He's picking up some blow for us on the front and I'm not sure if he's really getting it or into something else but using that as an excuse.

Naturally this wouldn't be the place I'd even type this, but I feel the need to document my emotions again.

I'm stuck in a world maybe not many people would view something as good.  I'm a danger to myself, and in love with someone who is potentionally hurting me from the inside out.

I fear he'll leave me, fear he's using me.  What ever life-style he chooses I know I still love him, anything I just don't want him to leave.

The way we are, he is like me, we see eye to eye but then at times he and I are opposites.

He is o-positive blood and I o-negative.  Such a simple unessessary thing but it was a conversation we had when we first met and it has stayed in my mind ever since.

In the 27 years he's lived he tells me he never trusted a single woman til now.  He doesn't worry a second I'll cheat and I feel the same.  It isn't a worry, cheating, but I worry other ways, perhaps ways I shouldn't be worried about.

He holds me at night, I like to feel him wishing for me to never leave.  Am I the only one who accepts this life for him?  I'd imagine there are others, but for me, I'm afraid he'll hurt me.

If he does I can't even imagine how broken I'll be.  I'm so broken now, I can't imagine it more.  Accepting his world out of love.  Its the anything I will do for him, everything upon everything.  I sacrafice my all for him.  

All I know is I love him.

To me, love should make you feel good from the inside out, not hurting you from the outside inwards, but then, love is completely subjective, and he might be just what you need; there is beauty in chaos afterall.

Anyway, what you said was truly lovely to read, I know it sounds kind of soppy lol, but thats just so honest it's unreal and I really wish the best for you guys.

The only advice I can really give is to love him with your all, but save that corner of reason within yourself that says he might not be the one, and you could find someone else who loves you just as much and makes you feel a whole lot better, and safter. :)