I am a college freshman.  I have some of the most interesting friends on campus, I think, and they keep me on my toes.  They care for me a lot more than some of my friends back home do.  I don't have to deal with the closed-mindedness of my family while I'm here, and in general it is far easier for me to be myself than when I was in high school.  It was the whole small town situation- everyone knew everyone, and heaven forbid you be the parent to raise a gay child.  People talk.  It's normal, I guess.  Fair, no.  It happens.  

But I'm away from that now.

Things are happening inversely for me I think- the longer I'm here, the sadder I get.  I don't understand why.  I'm not home sick and I certainly don't miss high school.  There are some nights when I get this swelling feeling inside my chest- you know, right at the edge of your throat- and all I want to do is sleep the feeling away.  I've never been one to cry, and often physically am not able to.  I'm realising how straight this world is- how bitter people are to differences that haven't always involved them.  It's not fair, you know.  I'm not just speaking of homosexuality in this case- it's everything.  Perhaps this belongs somewhere else, and I'm sure I can't exactly be helped over the internet.  I just never thought that being myself would open my eyes to so many more things that would weigh on my shoulders as they are now.  If you're still reading, you've got more patience than I do with anything in the entire world right now.  

Maybe I could leave the country.