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comfort in the strangest place |
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 Replies: 9 — Last Post Oct. 23, 2008 9:50am by Anonymous
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Web Resources: Suicide Myths Dispelled, Suicide Information
USA Suicide Hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
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 LiveWire Humor
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rosebud
Soothsayer
 Patron
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i dont think you want to die, i think you want an end to all the pain you are feeling
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have your lawyer call my lawyer
you're out of your mind
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bigear
Grasshopper
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i'm not a cutter. i don't pretend to understand all of why cutters do so. but my brother is a cutter, and i'm fortunate enough to be able to talk with him; share with him. i think cutting is a controlled pain one can concentrate on instead of feeling the UNcontrolled pain that life can hand you. am i off, or is that a part of the cutting puzzle? but setting cutting aside, look at the rest of your post. in a way, you're lucky that death doesn't scare you. some people can't find that peace until they're much older...if ever!
but dying should be an UNcontrolled thing...not something you bring yourself. you'll die when your life is over...and obviously you have some living left to do. :) think about life without pain, or hurt...what would it be? utopia? that seems kind of boring to me, personally. pain and hurt (and fear and regret and all those other yuck feelings) are supposed to make us appreciate the times when they AREN'T there. it's not pretty, but it's the yin and yang of life...it's what makes life RICH. coffee has to have some bitter to make it richer, right? you have to add salt to cupcakes. it's part of balancing things. but we all have to learn how to do that...how to accept, deal with, and appreciate the bitter. and that certainly takes time. it kind of seems that you are only allowing yourself to think about a select couple of things when you're down...suicide and cutting. what if you tried to redirect this energy into figuring out WHY you want to leave so bad?
i know pain and hurt is VERY real, and it VERY much hurts. it's not pleasant. it seems overwhelming. and it seems like it's all the time. where ARE those NON-bad times?
but can you begin to rebuild yourself? do you think it's possible to try to live beyond seeing only the negative things in your life? maybe if you could find a way to begin focusing on something good (not all of it...just one or two things, at first!), that would give you a new direction when you need something comforting to turn to. i know in a lot of people's lives, mine included, the loneliness, emptiness and sorrow you know becomes a great comfort...it's easier to feel those because you KNOW them. if you're not familiar with happiness, you might not know what to DO with it. maybe if you can find something positive that's also comforting, you can begin to use that when you're feeling this way. it's the same as my kid looking for her favorite stuffed animal in the middle of the night...when she wakes up and is frightened, i've redirected her to instinctively reach for her cat. this new routine has become habit, and the old habit of simply riding the fear and encouraging it has had the power taken out of it. it took some time, but it worked! but. BUT. it's so worth it. it's the breath of fresh air. it's the drink of water when you're thirsty. you know there will be times when you get thirsty. but instead of drinking salt water, maybe you'll learn to first think of ice water. nothing's easy. and this certainly isn't. but might you be interested in learning a new direction? just one little new step? you can't change it all or fix it all just like that. it's going to take time and bumps in the road. but it's possible. and seeing the depth in your post about the negative stuff makes me curious to know what depth an awakening within yourself could bring. you have it in you. with a little help and a lot of time, you can begin to discover fantastic things that YOU have to offer. it's so possible to redirect your energy into allowing pain and hurt in your life...but putting it in a little spot within that's surrounded by positive, more interesting investments. <3
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( Anonymous )
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Quote: from bigear at 10:35 am on Oct. 23, 2008
 i'm not a cutter. i don't pretend to understand all of why cutters do so. but my brother is a cutter, and i'm fortunate enough to be able to talk with him; share with him. i think cutting is a controlled pain one can concentrate on instead of feeling the UNcontrolled pain that life can hand you. am i off, or is that a part of the cutting puzzle? but setting cutting aside, look at the rest of your post. in a way, you're lucky that death doesn't scare you. some people can't find that peace until they're much older...if ever!
but dying should be an UNcontrolled thing...not something you bring yourself. you'll die when your life is over...and obviously you have some living left to do. :) think about life without pain, or hurt...what would it be? utopia? that seems kind of boring to me, personally. pain and hurt (and fear and regret and all those other yuck feelings) are supposed to make us appreciate the times when they AREN'T there. it's not pretty, but it's the yin and yang of life...it's what makes life RICH. coffee has to have some bitter to make it richer, right? you have to add salt to cupcakes. it's part of balancing things. but we all have to learn how to do that...how to accept, deal with, and appreciate the bitter. and that certainly takes time. it kind of seems that you are only allowing yourself to think about a select couple of things when you're down...suicide and cutting. what if you tried to redirect this energy into figuring out WHY you want to leave so bad?
i know pain and hurt is VERY real, and it VERY much hurts. it's not pleasant. it seems overwhelming. and it seems like it's all the time. where ARE those NON-bad times?
but can you begin to rebuild yourself? do you think it's possible to try to live beyond seeing only the negative things in your life? maybe if you could find a way to begin focusing on something good (not all of it...just one or two things, at first!), that would give you a new direction when you need something comforting to turn to. i know in a lot of people's lives, mine included, the loneliness, emptiness and sorrow you know becomes a great comfort...it's easier to feel those because you KNOW them. if you're not familiar with happiness, you might not know what to DO with it. maybe if you can find something positive that's also comforting, you can begin to use that when you're feeling this way. it's the same as my kid looking for her favorite stuffed animal in the middle of the night...when she wakes up and is frightened, i've redirected her to instinctively reach for her cat. this new routine has become habit, and the old habit of simply riding the fear and encouraging it has had the power taken out of it. it took some time, but it worked! but. BUT. it's so worth it. it's the breath of fresh air. it's the drink of water when you're thirsty. you know there will be times when you get thirsty. but instead of drinking salt water, maybe you'll learn to first think of ice water. nothing's easy. and this certainly isn't. but might you be interested in learning a new direction? just one little new step? you can't change it all or fix it all just like that. it's going to take time and bumps in the road. but it's possible. and seeing the depth in your post about the negative stuff makes me curious to know what depth an awakening within yourself could bring. you have it in you. with a little help and a lot of time, you can begin to discover fantastic things that YOU have to offer. it's so possible to redirect your energy into allowing pain and hurt in your life...but putting it in a little spot within that's surrounded by positive, more interesting investments. <3
thank you so much for taking the time to write this. i had thought about thinking of good times and stuff like you said, when i want to cut. but then i thought about how nothing is all good and dandy like it usto be years ago. i have more bad memmories than good. but on the other hand, after reading what you wrote. maybe i can try thinking about how my bf is treating me good again. i know it isnt going to be easy. but what may sound crazy, is that, i cant immagine living without cutting, yet i really do want to stop. i just know that im at such a dead end in life, that it seems like theres no other way to go but away,
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