Why not try having a chat with the people at your Church? That's what they're there for, you know? What you're going through now is a personal thing, of course, but they can help you through it. We all need a little help sometimes and you don't have to stand back and watch everyone else in their happiness. If you're confused or worried or suffering then you have every right to ask for a bit of help. I assume that the older people at your church, even your minister (or Youth Minister, who would hopefully be trained and know how to help people your age specifically through these kinds of things), would help by giving advice and maybe even relating some of their own stories to you. And they can always pray for you, too.

I don't know if that'll help you any, but I'm sure that keeping all of this is isn't doing you any good. There's help out there available to you, especially within your church. It's ok that you're confused, and it's perfectly understandable. Go get that help, though. It's there.

As I said, someone with a little more knowledge and experience will no doubt come along and be able to offer you more in the way of advice, but I just wanted to point out that you don't have to go through this alone.

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i think you're the same as me, we see things they'll never see