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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Viewing Topic

Is this any good?
Replies: 4Last Post Sep. 11, 2008 8:53pm by Danny11394
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( Danny11394 )


Professional
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I need opinions.What's good and what needs to be worked on? Thanks

Not a cloud in the sky, I look to the light.
Time soon passes, darkness covers the night.
People grouped together, like wolves in a pack.
There are people out here that will never come back.
The fireworks flash and kids kissing all dash.
Love takes everyone I know, so I am left all alone.
But the thing I'm most scared of, lies right in front of me.
That I'm afraid I'll never know real love.
I hate this life I'm living.
I want the luck other people are given.

Thinking about giving up, thinking to just stop trying.
But every time I see your face, I just keep on lying.

Now what the hell is going on?
What is this I have found?
Every little thing I do, goes straight into the ground.
I'll fight to the death for what I love and I'll fight to the end for you my friend.
Nothing else can bother me. I'm at the lowest of the low.


8:45 pm on Sep. 11, 2008 | Joined: Sep. 2008 | Days Active: 202
Join to learn more about Danny11394 Nevada, United States | Straight Male | Posts: 97 | Points: 2,122
jamesish


Je vous aime, Je dois partir

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I like it as is.

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We're falling fast.
I used to be scared, denying who I was

8:46 pm on Sep. 11, 2008 | Joined: Jan. 2008 | Days Active: 412
Join to learn more about jamesish South Carolina, United States | Male | Posts: 21,788 | Points: 35,246
reev


Omnipotent One

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poetry doesn't always have to rhyme.

8:46 pm on Sep. 11, 2008 | Joined: Nov. 2006 | Days Active: 617
Join to learn more about reev Wisconsin, United States | Straight Male | Posts: 10,909 | Points: 19,024
blueroadrunner


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sounds like ur depressed........go look for a happy poem...and get rid of the one u just wrote..........life is what u make it.......don't choose stuff that brings u down.........get through this bump in the road........u can do it!

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lighting high

8:51 pm on Sep. 11, 2008 | Joined: Dec. 2006 | Days Active: 134
Join to learn more about blueroadrunner Texas, United States | Straight Male | Posts: 403 | Points: 1,765
( Danny11394 )


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No I wrote this when I was depressed.Lol.That's the point of it. It was saying how I was lonely when everyone else had a relationship going on. Hahaha.

8:53 pm on Sep. 11, 2008 | Joined: Sep. 2008 | Days Active: 202
Join to learn more about Danny11394 Nevada, United States | Straight Male | Posts: 97 | Points: 2,122
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