I don't know much about the disorder, so sorry if it doesn't match her. She's not been tested or anything for it even though I've encouraged her to. She claims she has it and anyone that knows her well agrees. Reason I don't think it might be bipolar is because after reading about it, it seems like bipolar don't dramatically change moods nearly as fast as she (correct me if I'm wrong). She could change multiple times a day for no apparent reason or more commonly she loves me to death one day then the next with nothing in between, she couldn't care less about me. Then the next she could love me again.

Anyway, it's more her depressive state that affects me. I was with her for about a year before it started happening, were I found she was the perfect girl for me and loved everything about her. But then she started getting a really depressive mood once in a while, and has been happening more and more until almost every day, she's only randomly happy a couple times a week now. I try to support her and help her get through it knowing it's not her fault, but she doesn't even think anything's wrong most of the time. She doesn't seem to care about me whatsoever and can say the cruelest things during it. I can't stand her when she's in that state, but I love her when she returns to normal, it's like nothing at all happened.

The problem I had recently though, was her saying how she doesn't care about me at all and our relationship is pointless and me getting upset over it (it's hard to hear those things from someone you love, even though I know it's the illness, it seems to have become her now) I told her to just end it if it's pointless  since I could never bring myself to, she seemed fine with that (more like she didn't even care and it was just "whatever fine") I'm not sure if it's really over now or she'll want me back when she returns to normal and if I should even stay with her. I love her when she's normal and wanna be supportive of her when she's not, but she's killing me with this. Now I'm wondering what I should do, if I should try to get back with her for the good things I love and to support her (even though she doesn't seem to care I think she really needs me sometimes) or wait to see if she wants me back, or to try to get over her now, but I'm worried about her not really having anyone else there for her.

I'd love to have any advice, ideas , or thoughts about this. I know she should get tested and have treatment if she can, she refuses to for some reason, I was hoping to convince her to eventually and I know it's in my best interest to forget about her but I can't stop worrying she could get much worse and I'd hate to abandon her just because of rough times with her illness when I love who she really is.

Sorry if this is hard to read, I could just keep typing more and more about it. Thanks for letting me get that much out.

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I am really sorry that you are feeling this way.  This is such a difficult situation to be in and it must be really overwhelming for you.  I can sympathise with you a little bit as not only do I have a close friend who is bipolar but I also had an ex-boyfriend who acted in a much similar way, however was not diagnosed with bipolar disease.  Remember that you're never alone.  There will always be people, including myself, who truly care about you and are willing to help in any way that they can.

This is a really complex situation for you to be in right now.  Do you know for a fact that her behaviour is fully caused by the illness?  She seems like she has a lot going on right now and has a lot of issues on her own.  I do see that you care for her and want to support her but you really have to be careful.  Don't take on too much.  It's not fair to put all of this weight on yourself, despite how much you care for her.

It is very evident that this relationship means a lot to you.  My relationship with my ex-boyfriend meant a lot to me.  However, he had a really big anger problem and it got to the point where, like your girlfriend, he was only happy a couple of times a week.  I absolutely loved him during those times.  However, it was all of the negative times that really took a toll on me.

See, I'm the type of person to try my hardest to see the best in people, even if that was hard to find.  I went out with my boyfriend for two and a half years and his anger has always been a problem.  Obviously, it wasn't so severe at first but it worsened as time passed.  I always let it slide and every time we got into an argument, I was the one who always had to apologise.  I am the type of person who doesn't like enemies and therefore, I couldn't stay mad at him.  

He would get angry for the smallest things and it really started to take a huge toll on me.  With that said, I can really sympathise with you as I have experienced something very similar.  I know how difficult this kind of situation can be and I truly am sorry that you are experiencing this.

It is very evident that you care for your girlfriend dearly and therefore, want the best for her.  You seem like you're a very kind and caring boyfriend and she really is lucky to have you.  Not only have you been a good boyfriend to her, but you've also been an amazing friend to her.  

I really understand the way you feel.  You don't want to break up with her because during those times that she is happy, you love her to death and she makes you really happy.  However, you can't be in a relationship where you're only happy when your partner is happy - which only happens a few times a week.  That's not fair to you nor is it fair to her.

In a relationship, you should be happy *most* of the time.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you will not have arguments with each other or anything like that.  However, the happiness in your relationship should not only be present a few times a week.  I thought the same way you did and after a while, it just got way too much for me to handle and I had to end it.  It's really not fair to you.  I understand that you care about her but you should not have to deal with this kind of behaviour, even if it is the illness talking.

Like I said before, it's very evident that you care about her and want to be here to support her.  That's a great thing to do, really.  However, just because you want to be here for her, it doesn't necessarily mean that you need to be in a relationship with her.  Why not try to be her friend for a little while?  You can still be there for her and help her whenever she needs it.

You really need to talk to your girlfriend about this.  I understand that you have been trying to convince her to seek help about this.  Despite how much she may need it, you cannot force someone to get help.  There is no point in trying to help someone who doesn't want to be helped.  

I would talk to your girlfriend about the way you're feeling.  Communication is key in every relationship and therefore, I feel that a conversation would be really beneficial for the two of you.  Be open and honest with her.  Tell her exactly how you feel about the situation and give her the opportunity to do the same.

I know that you love the good times but relationships will not always be rainbows and butterflies.  Of course every relationship has its down times, however, these down times should not be making you feel the way you're feeling.  You seem to have the weight of the world on your shoulders.  Despite how much you care for her and love her, this should not be your responsibility.  She needs professional help.  The relationship will only continue to get more difficult the longer she prolongs getting help.

Have you tried talking to anyone about this?  Talking to your parents about this can really be beneficial as your parents really do care for you and want what's best for you.  However, if you don't feel comfortable talking to your parents about this, there are other alternatives.  Talking to a close friend or family member about how you feel is a really good way to help deal with this kind of situation.  

If you don't feel comfortable talking to any of the people I've mentioned above, you can always go to a guidance counselor for help and advice.  Guidance counselors specialise in situations like your own and therefore can provide you with quality, professional advice that can really help a lot.  Whatever you do, you need to tell someone about the situation - not only for the sake of your feelings and your relationship but also for the safety and well-being of your girlfriend.  With people who suffer from depression, things can severely escalate very quickly.

You should feel very proud of yourself.  You are such a caring and kind boyfriend and she really is lucky to have you.  You're very compassionate and self-less.  However, like I said, you need to be careful.  Don't take on more than you can handle because that can be very negative to *your* health and well-being.  It's good that you want to help but you really need to be aware of your limits.  You need to know when to draw the line when you have to step back and think of your own well-being.

I hope I helped.  If you ever need anything at all or feel the need to discuss this further, feel free to message me any time as my inbox is always open.  I'm always happy to help.

Good luck and I really do hope everything works out for you.

DYL

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You're like a bullet to my brain, I'm numb, can't kill my fun.
If you're good and done then thank you just the same.
I don't owe you anything.