Maybe this will get read, maybe it won't.....but my hope is that it helps at least one person struggling with SI at the time at least to shed a new light on to things.
5 Things I Now Know About SI that I wish I knew 4 Years Ago
1. Those scars aren't going to go away Am I superficial for putting this first? Maybe. But the scars I have left from SI are probably my biggest reminder of it. I catch them out of the corner of my eye all the time, and it takes me back to it. To have such visual evidence of something like that is NOT something you want for the rest of your life. I know that when you are in that state of mind, the scars can be almost appealling, to an extent. They are a visual reminder of how you feel. But you will not always feel like that, believe it or not. Depression is treatable, and when it's done and over with, you don't want to be left with that. Additionally, other people will recognize that for the rest of your life. With the rise in self-injury, there is also a rise in awareness. I catch people staring at the scars and I know what they're thinking. I want to stop them and tell them that I don't do it anymore, but that's just not something you bring up. I'm sure most of you don't forever want you past of depression stamped on your forehead, so think about what you're doing when you mark yourself up permanently.
2. Self injury solves nothing Does it relieve a lot of the emotions you are feeling at the time? Yes, absolutely. Does it actually solve the problem? No, it makes it worse. I wish I could say I knew this at the time, and maybe I did....but I didn't fully understand it. Self injury is pointless. It is. I'm sorry, flame if you want but there is no long term point to it, plain and simple.
3. Doctors/therapists don't think less of you for self injury For two years straight, I tried to stop on my own. I refused to tell anyone about it, because I was embarassed and thought that people would think less of me. After two years of continuously relapsing, I finally told my doctor. Once I did that, I permanently quit in a matter of months and have not since. It is 1000x easier to stop when you aren't alone. Even if it's just a friend who can help you through it, it's so much easier when you know someone else is counting on you too.
4. Self injury is actually dangerous Does this seem like the most obvious thing in the whole world? Yes....it really is. But for some reason, at the time I seemed to think of it as only an emotional behavior, and not a physical one. Going back, I am so unbelievably grateful that I never hit a major artery, or never got a serious infection. Self injury IS destructive to your body. You are playing Russian Roullette. Regardless of what you decide to do, be careful. Understand that this is your body, and it is by no means invincible.
5. You can't just treat SI. You have to treat the reasons behind it Most happy people don't just pick up a blade and go to town on their wrist. If you treat the underlying issue while treating the SI, it is a whole lot easier to stop than if you just try to stop SI and still feel horrible. Easy as that.
Quote: from LittleBombs at 1:36 pm on Aug. 28, 2008 Really great post. I have stopped now for almost two months, and keep hoping my scars will fade. But they haven't. And I hate it. Makes me regret cutting even more. =( I really do think the scars make me regret it more than anything, which is so so so superficial, but it's just really irritating having everyone you meet automatically know something so personal about your past. Im kind of coming to terms with it, but I still hate knowing Im going to have them for the rest of my life.
Really great post. I have stopped now for almost two months, and keep hoping my scars will fade. But they haven't. And I hate it. Makes me regret cutting even more. =(
I really do think the scars make me regret it more than anything, which is so so so superficial, but it's just really irritating having everyone you meet automatically know something so personal about your past. Im kind of coming to terms with it, but I still hate knowing Im going to have them for the rest of my life.
Same here, though I always wear long sleeves. And I hate it, even in really hot weather I have to cover up. Which is poo. =(
This is based on my experience with many, also observing a lot from a second hand perspective. It seems most get shocked by it to some level and instead of slowly helping it, they like to stop it 'no matter the cost'. But I'm sure there are those that understand that that is not the right way to go about things.
Yeah sure, I don't doubt they have good intentions, but people who don't really understand it and aren't really mature enough can't help it.
I think you are right and wrong about the thing with the therapists.
On one hand, yes, a select few who have very little experience with SI will not know how to handle it and may go about it in an immature way and be rather judgemental. Additionally, I'm sure there are a few out there who have alreayd formed opinions about it that wont be easily changed-that's just the way some people are.
However, I really do believe (from personal experience and talking to others) that the majority of self injurers get pretty good, nonjudgemental care. I know your opinion of the mental health field is sometimes a bit pessimistic, and I know it's not perfect, but I still do think that there are a good amount of people who are understanding and helpful
Oh, I do actually think that doctors think less of you for it. Maybe not outright, but they will trust your judgment less, and in general hold you in lower regard. Maybe not in a 'mocking' way, but all the same. A lot of them will get really shocked and do something impulsive if they find out instead of just talking it over slowly. I've seen it happen before and therapists would CONSTANTLY ask me if I did it even though I never really did.
A lot of them will get really shocked and do something impulsive if they find out instead of just talking it over slowly. I've seen it happen before and therapists would CONSTANTLY ask me if I did it even though I never really did.
they dont want to discriminate against any1 that come into their office.
and its good that thats in ue past and u were able to stop
I've also come to realize these reasons, and for that reason, no matter how strong the urge, I know I'll never go back to it. Sadly... even though I knew many of this when I used to cut, it was hard to get myself to stop. But as you said, even if your post helps just one person, or even just gives them a bit more strength, then that's all that really matters :).
THIS 1 paragraph - MAJOR QFT
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