I want to pretend that I never cut, I never starved myself, I never tried to kill myself, that none of this ever happened. I don't really have any ambition to start anew but rather to just take a magic eraser and dispose of the past.

Just erase my existence. But obviously, only to me.
Is that possible?

I am sick of "working" with everybody—seeing as "everybody" is literally participating in the "healing" of my psychiatric disorder—and I want out, even if only to pretend.