Have you ever had the feeling that ABSOLUTELY no one in the world understands what your going through or feeling? I believe this to be true.
My moms in jail as of last night, called me at two thirty in the morning while im passed out, just me and my sister home, and is telling me to solve all this shit for her. and im like dude wtf, in 16 i dont need to be picking up your DRUNK mess. right?
I have a boyfriend. My dream man actually. We started goign out last night, we've had a thing and been together for a while before that. Now, im a virgin, and i think hes making hints already about sex. He's a virgin too and i was in shock when i was hitting the signs. Freaks me out, cuz hes not like that, at all. he just got out of a long distance relationship and hes not like that. like i swear to you hes not like that. But now im thinking me might be. but i still dont understand.  how he makes me feel is amazing. its like a natural high. his names dillon(: He makes me want to change myself to be better but he doesnt even try to change me. Plus im so tired of holding in all these secrets that NO ONE knows. Everyone at my school has pegged me as a slut. Basically because of all these mistakes that i make yet blame on drugs and alcohol. pathetic, right? Everyone at my school thinks i drink regularly, am a TOTAL pot head. When in reality, ive only drank like 4 times and only been drunk twice. Both times at parties. And i kind of am a pot head. :/ But i havent smoked in two and a half weeks. Also, my so called 'best friend'-- i talk shit about her regularly. Like to almost everyone. Cuz i actually dont like her that much. But im not using her, cuz i have nothing to use her for. Maybe im using her to talk shit about. No idea man, no idea. Also, people used to think i was all hot and heavy on pills, another false acusation, i took vikidin like 4 times and a sleeping pill i stole from my mom once. But when people make these acusations against me i laugh, or encourage them. NEVER deny it though.
I literally hate the person i am. And have become, i'd do anything to trade places with almost anyone. The only things in the world that ever make me totally happy and at peace for a while is being with Dillon or Weed. I sort of wish i could publish this to my school. or show people i know, but im too scared hiding behind this sheltered wall of lies and false interpretations of myself.
Basically,
Fuck my life.