Adding Reply Archived Topic: It will not be bumped to the top of the forum. Topic what is happening to me? Membername   Not a member? Sign Up Free (takes 20 seconds) Password   Forgotten your password? Post Font: Verdana Arial Black Georgia Comic Sans Impact   Size: Tiny Normal Big Huge   Color: Default Dark Red Red Orange Brown Green Olive Cyan Blue Dark Blue Indigo Black [ Check Spelling ] [ Post Preview ] [ LiveTags ] FAQ Keyword Search: Post Options Favorites Manager Notify me of new replies to this topic by email Notify me of new replies to this topic by private message Original Post Anonymous Posted at 2:41 pm on Jan. 5, 2009 so i guess i've been depressed for a while now. about a week and a half ago i overdosed again. a couple days later i started cutting again after getting through 7 weeks without giving in to the impulses. less than a week later i cut again and they were even deeper. this morning i walked out to my car in the garage, i was the only one still at home, and i had this overwhelming urge to leave the garage closed, start my car and spend the rest of the day there. i can so close to giving in... instead i just went to school. i really hate myself for the thoughts and feelings that i've been having. i hate myself for making those choices. i feel like i'm going to end up going too far one of these days. i don't know what to do! help?!

Replies Anonymous Posted at 3:26 pm on Jan. 10, 2009 Quote: from S0LITUDE at 1:39 pm on Jan. 10, 2009 Try to do new things that make you happy now and leave what happened in the past. i am very glad that i don't live with my mother anymore. and i do things that make me happy when i can. lately i just don't have the energy or motivation to do anything. i've done my best to leave the past in the past but i do know there are things that i am going to have to work through before i can really move forward with my life. more importantly, the feelings and thoughts that i experience are now. they aren't in the past. S0LITUDE Posted at 1:39 pm on Jan. 10, 2009 Quote: from Anonymous at 7:59 am on Jan. 10, 2009 Quote: from S0LITUDE at 7:01 pm on Jan. 6, 2009 I wish you would have explained a bit more what it is that is making you sad, perhaps I could have helped you a bit more if you would have done that. Just know that people don't want you to cut or to harm yourself in any way. I hope this helped a little. i've always known that the main source of most of my issues is my mother. i grew up with her until i was 15, i'm 17 now. my mom is an alcoholic and she is/was physically, verbally, and mentally/emotionally abusive and neglectful. i remember the first time i was ever suicidal, i was 11 and i had just gone to bed after another fight with my mom, this time she had been holding her hands around my neck, and i was struggling to breathe. at first i fought back as usual, but then i stopped...i just wanted it all to end right there. and obviously it didn't. i've regularly had suicidal thoughts since then. i didn't start hurting myself until about 6 or 7 months after i got out of my mom's house (she kicked me out, and i now live with dad. it's so much better here). a couple months later i was diagnosed with PTSD. anyhow, i recently realized...a couple days ago in fact, that the stuff with my mom goes much much deeper than i ever imagined. i guess i'm not as okay as i thought. i still don't understand how deep it goes either, and that scares the heck out of me. with this realization i learned that most of the times i feel triggered to start hurting myself...it has some connection with my mother, whether it be she called and left a message that day or something reminded me of her. it seems so dumb because the littlest things can cause me to freak out and most of the time i am not even aware of it. i hope this explains more, and if you have questions or need clarification on something please let me know! that explains it all. Well, since you don't live with your mom anymore I think you should try and leave what happened in the past. try to start anew because you have another opportunity now that you live with your dad. I know it's easy to say, but you should feel glad that you don't have to live the same way you did before. Try to do new things that make you happy now and leave what happened in the past. Anonymous Posted at 7:59 am on Jan. 10, 2009 Quote: from S0LITUDE at 7:01 pm on Jan. 6, 2009 I wish you would have explained a bit more what it is that is making you sad, perhaps I could have helped you a bit more if you would have done that. Just know that people don't want you to cut or to harm yourself in any way. I hope this helped a little. i've always known that the main source of most of my issues is my mother. i grew up with her until i was 15, i'm 17 now. my mom is an alcoholic and she is/was physically, verbally, and mentally/emotionally abusive and neglectful. i remember the first time i was ever suicidal, i was 11 and i had just gone to bed after another fight with my mom, this time she had been holding her hands around my neck, and i was struggling to breathe. at first i fought back as usual,  but then i stopped...i just wanted it all to end right there. and obviously it didn't. i've regularly had suicidal thoughts since then. i didn't start hurting myself until about 6 or 7 months after i got out of my mom's house (she kicked me out, and i now live with dad. it's so much better here). a couple months later i was diagnosed with PTSD. anyhow, i recently realized...a couple days ago in fact, that the stuff with my mom goes much much deeper than i ever imagined. i guess i'm not as okay as i thought. i still don't understand how deep it goes either, and that scares the heck out of me. with this realization i learned that most of the times i feel triggered to start hurting myself...it has some connection with my mother, whether it be she called and left a message that day or something reminded me of her. it seems so dumb because the littlest things can cause me to freak out and most of the time i am not even aware of it. i hope this explains more, and if you have questions or need clarification on something please let me know!   S0LITUDE Posted at 7:01 pm on Jan. 6, 2009 You say you've been depressed for a while now, do you know exactly what is causing that feeling of depression, or is it one of those times when you just feel sad for no reason? You should try to figure out what it is that is making you sad, sometimes we have a vague idea of what saddens us, but we don't know exactly how to describe this feeling or what it is that is causing it. Perhaps you're not able to put it into words. Try to figure out what it is that is making you depressed. Once you figure that out try to solve the problem. Is it something you can solve? Is it something that depends on you or does it involve other people? Try to do as much as you can to solve the problem so that you may be happy. I understand that you can't do everything yourself because sometimes these things depend on others, but if you don't do anything to be happy why should you expect anyone else to do the same? You have to get out of this depression some way or another because apparently it has gotten to the point where you have started causing yourself harm. This is one of the lowest points of depression and I will tell you one thing, harming your body isn't going to solve any of these problems. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, I'm just telling you the truth. Stop harming yourself because although it may cause the pain to go away for some time it will not erase it completely and when the pain comes back it will be as if it were never gone. You will be depressed and that's not what you want. Harming your body is just another problem and you don't want any more problems! Seriously stop doing it before it gets worse. If you stop doing it, this will be a good way to change and start a path towards happiness. Don't give into the impulses. Think about those things that makes you happy and seek them as a substitution for harming yourself.  You even said you hated yourself for these choices. At least you have realized that this is not helpful. Whenever you feel like you want to cut think about how much you will hate yourself for doing it. The truth is that most people who harm themselves don't really want to do so but depression can do terrible things. Whatever you do, do not cut. Don't harm yourself because it will not help! I wish you would have explained a bit more what it is that is making you sad, perhaps I could have helped you a bit more if you would have done that. Just know that people don't want you to cut or to harm yourself in any way. I hope this helped a little. Anonymous Posted at 2:23 pm on Jan. 6, 2009 Quote: from thathappychild at 10:55 am on Jan. 6, 2009 i don't have any amaazing, advice, though i've been there myself and still am pretty much, but these hings often come and go, so hopefully after a few more days or weeks you'll feel slightly better again. not very comforting i know, but thinking that might help a little. *hugs* thanks. thathappychild Posted at 10:55 am on Jan. 6, 2009 i don't have any amaazing, advice, though i've been there myself and still am pretty much, but these hings often come and go, so hopefully after a few more days or weeks you'll feel slightly better again. not very comforting i know, but thinking that might help a little. *hugs* theyareAs Posted at 3:33 pm on Jan. 5, 2009 Sometimes you've gota give in to your feelings or they'll just dwell on you. Completely confide in someone and trust someone on a greater level Anonymous Posted at 2:50 pm on Jan. 5, 2009 i do talk to my family and friends. and i do my best to put on a sincere face and keep a positive attitude. it doesn't make those thoughts go away... OllyNZ Posted at 2:44 pm on Jan. 5, 2009 Aw come on, talk to someone, your friends, family. do the thing you want to do and you will start enjoying life All 9 previous replies displayed.