Adding Reply Archived Topic: It will not be bumped to the top of the forum. Topic Should I break up with him to spare him the pain? Membername   Not a member? Sign Up Free (takes 20 seconds) Password   Forgotten your password? Post Font: Verdana Arial Black Georgia Comic Sans Impact   Size: Tiny Normal Big Huge   Color: Default Dark Red Red Orange Brown Green Olive Cyan Blue Dark Blue Indigo Black [ Check Spelling ] [ Post Preview ] [ LiveTags ] FAQ Keyword Search: Post Options Favorites Manager Notify me of new replies to this topic by email Notify me of new replies to this topic by private message Original Post Anonymous Posted at 10:28 pm on Sep. 17, 2008 My relationship has been put on hold. My boyfriend wants me to see him but I am really sick and I feel I will just drag him down if I go see him. I have a chronic autoimmune disorder and more often than not I feel ill. He asked me to see him this weekend. If I make up another excuse I feel he will get tired of my excuses and leave me. I came clean to him about my illness over the phone and he was like, "Well that's a little hard to you know, deal with. I'm not sure how we're going to work out." And when I heard that I felt sad. But still, he asked me to see him but he hasn't seen me since I had to get crutches and I'm worried he'll freak. What should I say to him about this weekend or any weekend? Should I break up with him? To spare him the pain? I cannot even laugh anymore and haven't been able to laugh in six months even if I try. Even he can't make me laugh as funny as he is. I am too sad. I must spare him the pain.

Replies nikki Posted at 2:36 pm on Sep. 20, 2008 You should see him, and talk to him face to face about this. It was a lot for him to take in and it was natural for him to get upset. However, he wants to see you - surely that's a positive thing? I think you have more to lose by not seeing him - at least give it a chance. You clearly have strong feelings for this guy and I think you owe it to your relationship to talk to him and at least hear him out. Lean on your friends, too. If you're depressed, talking to your friends is just so important - even if you don't want to talk about your problems, hang out with them and try and have some fun. If you don't feel well enough to go out - suggest a sleepover, or a movie night at someones house - anything that means you're having fun and socialising. You should talk to your boyfriend, though. Meet up with him and see how it goes - if you break up with him without giving it a chance, you'll regret it, whereas if you at least give it a go, you can walk away feeling proud that you at least tried to make it work. Good luck! Just Waiting Here Posted at 10:35 pm on Sep. 17, 2008 One thing I've come to learn is that ~I~ can not decide for others how they should feel.  Spare him the pain?  You're not doing any favors to him by just breaking up with him to spare him the pain.  These are his choices, and if anything, you're trying to spare yourself the pain.  Now, I can understand the fear of that... but if you feel like you're doing ~him~ a favor, think again.  How can you decide that you're not worth it?  How can you decide that he shouldn't care about you?  And while it's scary to have to wait for his final decision, I think that it's ultimately a choice that he should make... Of course, this choice is yours... if you can not handle a relationship at this time and it is causing you more stress, then it may be best for ~you~ to break up, for ~yourself~.  This is how I view it. But again, you know youself and him better than I do... but I've had thoughts about breaking up for my boyfriend to "spare him of pain", because I thought that I was hurting him more than anything... but I also can acknowledge that these are his choices, and that if he chooses to stay with me, that's something he decided... and that if I try to "Spare him of pain", I may actually cause him more hurt than I may ever know. ----- That's my view of it, maybe it makes sense, maybe not.  But if you do decide to see him, just call him up, tell him you're on crutches, and ask if he'll mind.  Communication is key in any relationship, whether it be between friends, family, or a boyfriend/girlfriend.  How he responds to it is not in your control, but you can at least let him know before hand so he gets the time to think to himself about how he truly feels about all of this... grinzbie Posted at 10:33 pm on Sep. 17, 2008 Just be a honest person..ask him what he thinks about the whole relationship. But I also think you have to really think about what you two are doing and if it is worth it. It is a decision you should make for yourself. All 3 previous replies displayed.