Adding Reply Archived Topic: It will not be bumped to the top of the forum. Topic Fearing an Eating Disorder Relapse Membername   Not a member? Sign Up Free (takes 20 seconds) Password   Forgotten your password? Post Font: Verdana Arial Black Georgia Comic Sans Impact   Size: Tiny Normal Big Huge   Color: Default Dark Red Red Orange Brown Green Olive Cyan Blue Dark Blue Indigo Black [ Check Spelling ] [ Post Preview ] [ LiveTags ] FAQ Keyword Search: Post Options Favorites Manager Notify me of new replies to this topic by email Notify me of new replies to this topic by private message Original Post talldoll77 Posted at 10:33 pm on Aug. 5, 2006 I had anorexia during high school and during my freshman year of college and now that i've completed 2 years of my basics at a community college, i'm transferring to the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor as a junior. I've been able to keep myself healthy because of my mom always cooking and because I need to eat to be able to run marathons, which i love doing. the only reason i haven't relapsed yet is because i have too many obstacles in my way. once i move out, i already told my mom i would try and stay at school until Christmas break, coming home once for Thanksgiving and she said that would be fine and might help with me learning to live on my own better than coming home every other weekend or so.  If I wanted to explain this as thoroughly as it could be, I would have to write for a week. It's just too painful to stay as I am. I have been planning on losing at least 30 pounds in the fall. i'm 6ft tall and i weigh about 140. i know technically i'm not overweight number wise, but i just feel that i am and it bothers me. if anyone replies, please don't plead for me to stop. i need advice on how to stay relatively healthy (supplements) once i start in the fall. i'd also like to talk to someone who has had Anorexia and has recovered and relapsed. thanks everyone Ashley (Edited by talldoll77 at 11:20 pm on Aug. 5, 2006)

Replies talldoll77 Posted at 4:38 pm on Aug. 17, 2006 I'll definitely check out a support group. I am transferring to the University of Michigan as a junior. Thanks btw! amyqotd Posted at 1:24 am on Aug. 15, 2006 I hate to be such a downer, because recovery is, of course, fantastic.  I'm just wondering how "recovered" are you.  You say you feel like you're fat at 6ft and 140 lbs. even you know that's not technically overweight.  Are you aware that for someone who is 6ft. 140 is not even remotely overweight, is thisclose to being underweight, just barely in the normal range?  Also, one thing I definitely know from experience, is if you plan on a relapse you'll have one...and one is all it takes, there may not be another recovery period.  I think probably most of this concern you're having is about being away from home, and completely responsible for your own successes and failures.  Its a scary experience, but its also very rewarding.  Always remember that failure IS an option (except maybe in classes), and a great learning tool at that.   <p> Oh also, most colleges have ED support groups, and other resources to help those in recovery and at risk, so check them out on your campus.  Even if you don't intend to go or use it, its good to know about them just in case you need them.  A safety net, if you will.  Good luck! talldoll77 Posted at 11:39 pm on Aug. 5, 2006 thx lostwitness Posted at 11:34 pm on Aug. 5, 2006 Thats how you came to step 1 in the first place, you told yourself you hate how you look and convinced yourself you can stop, when in reality it isn't that simple. Can you honestly say that when you were at your skinniest you were truly happy? Your life was truly fulfilled? I highly doubt it. And I completely agree with you. You can't just take my advice and suddenly have a changed mind. It's your job to realise how great you've been doing and the progress you've done is simply AMAZING. There is still so many people out there struggling to get their lives back on track because of their anorexia. You got it back on track and you want to backtrack because your scared and feel like your happier as a 'skinny' individual. You can't just have a changed mind just like that. But what you need to realise is that you deserve to take action and do things that will prevent you from going into a relapse. This can be going to a counsellor near you, continuing to join in on more things such as running that you have a passion for so that you don't have to care about your physical appearance as you click into that things that makes you happy. Try and gather a big supportive environment around you, discuss this with your mom who cares about you oh so much. If you ever feel down just call her or someone you feel comfortable talking to on a vocal level and tell them whats bothering you. You need to change your mindset and realise a relapse isn't an option because there are so many things out there to try! But I really am impressed by the progress you've done just by re-reading your first post, so I really hope you take care of yourself! :) talldoll77 Posted at 11:18 pm on Aug. 5, 2006 Wow. you're an amazing writer. and as easy as it would be to say, "okay. I will. ty so much for the advice. i'm all better" i can't. i'm going to try and be as honest as possible on here because no one i know is on this site ( i don't want them to know). it's the hardest thing to explain in the world, but i'm happier when i'm skinnier. and i want so much to be happier. but i also know how to stop. i've done it before and i'll do it again. you are so kind. God bless lostwitness Posted at 10:54 pm on Aug. 5, 2006 You do realise none of this is about your weight, and none of  this is about the numbers. You and I both know your not overweight, and you and I both know what a relapse could to do your overall progress. You really seem on the edge right now and I think you need to try and make some conscious, and logical decision here to avoid a relapse. You deserve and owe yourself the right to take care of yourself. By taking care of yourself you need to continue with the AMAZING progress you've been doing -- I mean you've been keeping healthy and eating meals daily! Your weight is staying in the absolute PERFECT spot and things really are going great for you. Why do you want to leave this all behind? You deserve every bit of this amazing progress you've done for yourself. Things have just started going great. Maybe it's because of the fact that you feel you don't deserve all of this that you are planning on having a relapse. Well let me tell you, you deserve every single bit of it no matter how hard it is for you to grasp this. I'm telling you, continue with the great progress you've been doing. I know that it'll now be tough to change your mind, but you have to realise that you earned the right to be a healthy weight and continue along this path. You mentioned that you have so much going on that it would take a week to explain it all. I think you should use all this energy and: write! Write everything you feel, write every single thing you feel inside of you, let everything out on paper. Let all the negative emotions just absorb into the paper. Keep only the positives and know that you deserve to continue on and there is no reason to switch things up. You are doing great, your an amazing person just by reading a little about you, and it would absolutely sadden me to know that you relapsed. I hope to hear more from you, and I hope you make the right choice of continuing to stay at this great weight you've got to. MP3girl Posted at 10:42 pm on Aug. 5, 2006 sorry... MP3girl Posted at 10:41 pm on Aug. 5, 2006 i'm serious black boyz love thick (but not fat) girls. that's how i got my boy friend. talldoll77 Posted at 10:41 pm on Aug. 5, 2006 Quote: from MP3girl at 10:37 pm on Aug. 5, 2006 well, if u lived my life, being thck (not fat), the boyz like that. that's just black girl to black boy I love that and envy you. lol. I used to feel like that and wanted bigger curves. I don't know what happened, but I've noticed that eating disorders tend to occur more frequently with 15-30 year old caucasian women in the United States than anywhere else. i just read somewhere the other day that since our values are becoming more and more woven into other societies, eating disorders are occurring everywhere. it's really sad. MP3girl Posted at 10:37 pm on Aug. 5, 2006 well, if u lived my life, being thck (not fat), the boyz like that. that's just black girl to black boy All 10 previous replies displayed.