Adding Reply Archived Topic: It will not be bumped to the top of the forum. Topic Total insecurity Membername   Not a member? Sign Up Free (takes 20 seconds) Password   Forgotten your password? Post Font: Verdana Arial Black Georgia Comic Sans Impact   Size: Tiny Normal Big Huge   Color: Default Dark Red Red Orange Brown Green Olive Cyan Blue Dark Blue Indigo Black [ Check Spelling ] [ Post Preview ] [ LiveTags ] FAQ Keyword Search: Post Options Favorites Manager Notify me of new replies to this topic by email Notify me of new replies to this topic by private message Original Post pa1495 Posted at 4:02 pm on Jan. 19, 2007 Hi, I've suffered from low self esteem all my life. I'm in my 20s now and still have this problem big time. I know that by posting this message and reading responses won't automatically make me gain the confidence that I am looking for, but I really need some support. I go out with friends quite a bit and gosh do I feel insecure when we hit the dance floor and girls start dancing near me that I find attractive. Do I go up to a girl and start dancing with her? No confidence to do that. Do I engage in conversation which would almost definitely be uncomfortable given my low confidence? I've always had a problem talking because of my low confidence and inner conviction that people would be interested in what I say. I believe that I am a good looking guy and really try not to be arrogant about it. All my friends have better confidence than I do. Where does it come from? I mean we grew up in similar circumstances, went to the same school etc. I realy don't want to turn into an arrogant bastard and should know that being confident is not the same as being arrogant but it doesn't compute with me. I've been a textbook guy all my life and have never learnt to act impulsively. I'm so used to learning parrot fashion and am learning that not everything can be learnt like that. Please offer me any advice or reply even if you think I have no chance.

Replies kka Posted at 12:44 pm on Jan. 29, 2007 just get over it...not to sound weird but get ur hair done and get some new clothes. sometimes i find that pretending to be happy and good actually helps. just concentrate on good things and that no one is better than u. just be urself and be happy and just accept who you are. I live for the net Posted at 1:09 am on Jan. 22, 2007 The very fact that you are now thinking about this, will open possibilities of solution. pa1495 Posted at 1:50 am on Jan. 20, 2007 Thank you for your support. I really do appreciate it. I know what you're saying make sense. It really scares me to try to be loud because I've been a quiet person all my life. There are defintiely times when I can relax and speak freely and there are times I am all flinched and can't talk to people at all. For me they are extremes and I think it is quite random most of the time. But thanks all the same. I'll really try to put your words into practice! Quinion Posted at 4:14 pm on Jan. 19, 2007 For what it's worth, other than you being in your 20's you are in fact me.  Everything you've said makes total sense to my own life. I think loudness comes into it a lot.  If you can force yourself to be heard, you can mask your insecurities and start to feel more confident just through that.  It's something I've set myself the target of working on, progress is going pretty slow though to be honest. The being attractive thing makes sense too...I don't think I'm ugly, far from it in fact.  What I do have against me though is my height (5 foot 5, very short for a guy).  Remind yourself that you're good looking!  You don't have to be arrogant to do that, and I do think it helps, because it's one thing you don't have to worry about.   pa1495 Posted at 4:12 pm on Jan. 19, 2007 Thanks. What I am insecure about is not being able to talk about something interesting or being too shy to talk, so it's a vicious cycle. Hennessy Posted at 4:11 pm on Jan. 19, 2007 of course you can change. you just have to do that slowly, step by step. and once you'll have successfully managed to accomplish something (like having a conversation with a girl) you'll feel more confident. I guess it has to do with the way your parents raised you, maybe they didnt reassure you enough by congratulating you when you had a good mark or somethin, it has a great influence on the self-esteem you'll have when you are adult. but just try to tell yourself that you dont care about what other people think about you, and that you have no reason to be shy. hope it will help you a lil BananaPancake Posted at 4:06 pm on Jan. 19, 2007 Insecurity typically comes from lack of experience. I don't know what your past relationships have been like, but the easiest was to approach girls is to not be nervous! I know, its SO much easier said than done, but just remember that nervousness shows. I've found that like "coaching" yourself through situations in your head helps calm any insecurities you may have, however the first step is to figure out WHAT those insecurities are, and how to go about dealing with them. Think about what your insecure about, then take things step by step in your head next time your in an uncomfortable situation, and eventually you should battle it. All 7 previous replies displayed.