so, what do you think I should do? I can't seem to find anyone I like (and the ones I do like show no interest/would probably be incompatible) so it's making me worried that I'll never find anyone at all.
I mean I'm 19, it's getting kinda ridiculous....
Noooo way man. I can't possibly have a shallow relationship like that. But yes, I am very sexually inexperienced. Relationship inexperienced, everything. It's more or less not being able to tell people that I like them when I do in fact, like a person.
I really think you need to try to overcome this:
like I'm not an aggressive guy, I don't flirt, I'm not touchy feely
I'm the wrong person to ask for pointers because I'm only just trying it myself, but I'm convinced it's a better approach than doing nothing, and it's a hell of a lot easier than mustering up the courage to outright tell a girl you like her. (And the fact is, it creates an image of you as a possibility of beyond "just friends," which is kind of the point.)
1.)Wait until you get a bit older (21), start hitting the bar-crowds and whatnot, not exactly the best people to find, but its generally the easiest way to find new people.
2.)Force yourself to "Open up" more, attempt to be more social, I know this is a seemingly impossible task being I had the same problems, especially in any larger group settings, take time, practice and nerves of steel that usually are hard to muster.
3.)Go the online route, find people through facebook/myspace whatever random social site, people around you, strick up the random conversations, if things start going good, maybe it leads to meeting up in person, things either go good or bad, can't always win after all.
Quote: from metrico at 11:41 pm on Oct. 26, 2008 The funny thing is I have a really great job on the sales floor where I work and I'm always great with customers, I'm not afraid of them much, funny as it sounds and and my friends are great but I still feel oddly disconnected when it comes to love and stuff... I completely understand this. I have a job that requires constant interaction with people and sometimes calls for a somewhat aggressive personality. I have no problem with that because I feel like "this is work." Outside of working or even interacting with co-workers I'm known as the "quiet guy." Once I get to know someone better I can talk for hours. The problem is if I actually really like a girl it makes it harder to get to that point because I tend to say even less, for fear of saying something dumb. Which doesn't help at all. (I'm trying to fight this part of myself, so we'll see what happens.) I thought I had found someone that I thought was perfect last year but she didn't show much interest so I never told her how I felt. Too scared. How well did you know her at that point? Were you guys hanging out or anything? From my limited experience, the only time I've had any success worth noting with women is when I get some kind of flirting going (sounds obvious to most, but it's not that easy for some of us), including a little physical playfulness (ie. touching - the innocent kind, obviously, playful shoving, etc). Just telling some chick I like that I like her out of the blue never worked so I gave that one up a long time ago. I guess this isn't really very helpful but you're not alone in this.
The funny thing is I have a really great job on the sales floor where I work and I'm always great with customers, I'm not afraid of them much, funny as it sounds and and my friends are great but I still feel oddly disconnected when it comes to love and stuff...
I completely understand this. I have a job that requires constant interaction with people and sometimes calls for a somewhat aggressive personality. I have no problem with that because I feel like "this is work." Outside of working or even interacting with co-workers I'm known as the "quiet guy." Once I get to know someone better I can talk for hours. The problem is if I actually really like a girl it makes it harder to get to that point because I tend to say even less, for fear of saying something dumb. Which doesn't help at all. (I'm trying to fight this part of myself, so we'll see what happens.)
I thought I had found someone that I thought was perfect last year but she didn't show much interest so I never told her how I felt. Too scared.
How well did you know her at that point? Were you guys hanging out or anything?
From my limited experience, the only time I've had any success worth noting with women is when I get some kind of flirting going (sounds obvious to most, but it's not that easy for some of us), including a little physical playfulness (ie. touching - the innocent kind, obviously, playful shoving, etc). Just telling some chick I like that I like her out of the blue never worked so I gave that one up a long time ago.
I guess this isn't really very helpful but you're not alone in this.
Totally, it's like an on/off switch! I hate talking to some co-workers though, that I can't do, but customers, are fine as I enjoy helping them find what they need. Also, I was always nervous I was sounding dumb and uninteresting, hell even after she moved away I didn't write because I was scared I'd sound boring and that she wouldn't want to write..
I mean, we hung out a little bit, I used to make it a point to go hang out at the place where she worked to talk and play games when she wasn't busy. I invited her to cook and between me being nervous and not having lots of the ingredients I delayed it, like twice...and then the day we did have it went okay and stuff, like other people helped out too, which wasn't my intention but meh, what can you do... like I'm not an aggressive guy, I don't flirt, I'm not touchy feely, if I had had enough courage I would have asked her out to tea or sushi (if that would imply a date more than "let's cook") and ended up like being really distant from her, like avoidant...but meh, she ended up with another guy anyway and moved away, so it doesn't matter. Her interests have been probably the closest to my own though that I've ever seen and it was probably biggest crush I've had in years. Probably why I was scared of her a little bit...
My only other experiences with girls showing interest that I've noticed or was told was when best friend confessed that she liked me, but I said no because of being scared, not being particularly attracted to her, and also she didn't understand much of interests and considers them novelties so I don't feel there's much respect there or basic "understanding". Then there's another girl in high school who I was just too scared..I told her I was unsure and that I didn't want to hurt her if I went with it cause I was unsure if I could like her back. Recently a person told me they had a crush on me a while back but I had no idea that had occurred.
That's always the issue, I never seem to like the people that show a lot of interest in me as much as they probably do, so it's like I just want to find someone that I myself like and they'll like me back too.
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