Will "He" be after him?  Or should I just give up?  I ask myself these things time and time again.  It's hard to believe that he wasn't "The One".  I just lay here, completely spent and worn.  Hawaii was nice, and I hope to return to finish a masters in music.  As I say now, "Hawaii or Bust".  

However, part of the reason, however small it may have been...it still was lingering on the list of minor reasons: To get away from these too painful memories.  I left arkansas for that very reason, and I found the miracle of music, the door which opened in all it's glory.  I now have to take another step, and step into the room.  It seems a door opens to my future, whenever my world becomes to painful to bear.  

But there is a price.  Even though I'd have made many lifelong friends, there is a risk I may never return once I leave.  So endure the pain which I can never let go, or leave and be able to smile again, for people I have to explain myself to almost daily until they understand me.

Either way, though, I'm paying a heavy price, aren't I? I don't have the courage to end it all.  I don't have the courage to stay.  I don't have the will to try for others even less.  Soon, what will be left?  A world that knows me, and a pain I can no longer escape...