Adding Reply Archived Topic: It will not be bumped to the top of the forum. Topic can someone read this short story for me quick? :) Membername   Not a member? Sign Up Free (takes 20 seconds) Password   Forgotten your password? Post Font: Verdana Arial Black Georgia Comic Sans Impact   Size: Tiny Normal Big Huge   Color: Default Dark Red Red Orange Brown Green Olive Cyan Blue Dark Blue Indigo Black [ Check Spelling ] [ Post Preview ] [ LiveTags ] FAQ Keyword Search: Post Options Favorites Manager Notify me of new replies to this topic by email Notify me of new replies to this topic by private message Original Post worddsonn Posted at 3:30 pm on Nov. 20, 2008 Can I have some feedback on this story so far? I have to write a sci-fi time story for english class. It's not my best, but whatever, I have to get it in. I just want to know if everything makes sense at this point, and if you'd keep reading. if you want the story line ask. Disaster Theoretically, time travel is the idea that man will someday be able to travel through periods of time without being altered or harmed. Unfortunately, that's just theory. It is year 2034 on the Southern Coast of California. The summer is just beginning, and the small town of Old Carlsbad is coming to life for the season. The streets are scattered with crowds of tourists and locals, and the beaches are lined with families, surfboards, and hundreds of colorful umbrellas that seem to run on infinitely. Here, time is nonexistent. The waves move in constant fluctuation, and the salty breeze leaves the refreshing notion of summer. Days roll into nights without notice, and everyone and everything has a sense of normalcy and peace. Beneath the surface of this, though, something was about to happen, and nobody saw it coming. James Michaels wanted nothing but fame. He wanted to walk the streets and hear his name being called from every direction. He wanted his face plastered on busses, and all over the newsstands. Yet, there he was. Sitting behind his computer screen with a notebook filled with pages upon pages of calculations and figures. He knew he held the key, he just had to figure out which door it fit in to. He had been studying for years

Replies save the world Posted at 3:53 pm on Nov. 20, 2008 How about 'everything is normal/ordinary and peaceful'? Or, if you want to keep your construction, 'everything has a peaceful sense of the ordinary'? However, I admit that that's an entirely subjective thing. I happen to have an issue with the word (because it sounds odd), but that's just me. I was being petty. worddsonn Posted at 3:35 pm on Nov. 20, 2008 Quote: from Save the world at 3:34 pm on Nov. 20, 2008 Sounds about fine. I'd avoid fishy words like 'normalcy', though. As George Orwell once said, if there's a simpler word, use it (not in all situations, of course, but in many cases). do you have a suggestion for another word to use in it's place? worddsonn Posted at 3:35 pm on Nov. 20, 2008 thanks C: I'll post again when I write more. save the world Posted at 3:34 pm on Nov. 20, 2008 Sounds about fine. I'd avoid fishy words like 'normalcy', though. As George Orwell once said, if there's a simpler word, use it (not in all situations, of course, but in many cases). Malachite Morning Posted at 3:33 pm on Nov. 20, 2008 Good start! It all seems run together smoothly... but you need a little more than two paragraphs to really be sure. All 5 previous replies displayed.