When it comes to the world around me, I haven't experienced everything, but I've either heard about it, seen it, or done it: nothing surprises me. "expect the unexpected". I've learned many lessons. I know the depths that people will go and the damning things they will do just to hurt me and I know that no matter how much I love them, everyone will hurt me; they are just waiting for their turn to tear at my mutilated and broken heart. I've shed a thousand tears. A million drops of blood have fallen from my veins, most by my own hand. I've learned to live every day like it was my last because for so long now, I wish it was. I've wished that a thousand times over. I've held a sleeping child in my arms, felt his heartbeat, and for the first time, I appreciated life and what it's all bout. I know myself better than you ever will, mainly because I won't let you in. I've learned that my "friends" won't always be there when they say they will and I can count on no one. I know that putting yourself down all the time doesn't help: it only makes your beautiful flaws ugly. I've learned that perfection is unreachable, but happiness is not. I know what love feels like, I know pain like a brother, heartbreak is always 2 steps behind me and rage never leaves. I've done horrible things, but I've learned that it doesn't make me a horrible person. I've learned the only person I need to forgive is myself. I've been abandoned, broken, cut, drained, eradicated, fucked with, gambled on, hurt, idolized, jokes with, kicked while I was down, lost, misused. I've been nothing to no one & everyone. I've been ostracized, put down, shaken, tormented & tortured, and left completely unable to heal. I've learned you can't fix a broken heart alone & you can't fix it until you go back to where you lost the pieces: it always hurts worse the second time round. I know that school is necessary to learn, but the things I've learned at school were not taught to me by a person at the front of a classroom. My "teachers" were my peers in elementary school, the boys who made each day harder than the last, my best friend, my worst enemy, "the one who got away", my group of friends, the people I love and the people I hate: they were my teachers and the lessons I learned from them I will never forget. I've learned from my family that blood doesn't always mean understanding, and that they are good for nothing unless you let them be good for something. I know they will always love me, even when they hate me. I've learned that cats are better listeners than most humans, and confidential conversations are never confidential. I've learned that once you lose faith and trust in something or something, it's hell to get it back. I've learned that writing problems down on paper makes them easier to understand and is cheaper than any therapist. I also know that if you're going to write it down, you should burn it before someone finds it. I've learned that I'm not safe in my own room. I know my problems will never go away and that I must keep them locked up before they kill me. I've learned a hug from a toddler is better than any drug trip and a rainstorm washes troubles down better than any drink a guy can shove down my throat. I know it doesn't make me a bad person if I don't do what everyone tells me to do: it makes me a stronger person. I HATE myself for my past, but I love myself for my future. I've learned that if I kept my mouth shut, I would have been spared a lot of pain. I've learned that making emotional pain physical doesn't make it go away, it makes it worse. I know that making scars only reminds you of why they are there to begin with, but I also know a map of my hardships is carved into my skin forever. I know it's harder for a tear to fall than a drop of blood, and I've learned I always take the easy way out. I know many things, and I never would have learned them had I decided not to live.