I've been suffering from anxiety and depression for years and also I've been battling addictions like Masturbation addiction, I managed to stop it for a while but I lose from time to time, this time when I did it, I had an idea with a very intense anxiety, this idea comes to my mind thousand times  day and no matter what I do, I still feel the intense anxiety and fear, I am afraid I was caught and I'll be considered dirty and person who isn't ethical, I know I deserve a life but I just can't feel good at all, I feel like once I am exposed, I am done and I'll have to deal with harsh criticism and blames, I just can't take that, I am already broken person, I never felt tranquility inside since the day this episode of Obsessive compulsive Disorder with this scary idea to death came to my mind, I thought of it many times a day, I investigated like in crimes to know if I was caught or not but I just can't prove that I wasn't caught, I believe I wasn't caught but I just lost my confidence and my peace for ever obviously, I can't feel happy or enjoy anything at all, I feel like things have ended.

What can I do to deal with this suffering? I am afraid and scared to death, I feel guilty and I know many those who do things like pretending to love a girl, make a relationship with her and have sex with her and then dump her without feeling a bit of guilt or shame or pain.

I am afraid I'll never see happiness again. what should I do to easen this fear?