So anyway, I am not in no way mad or hate her. but the way she act and handle problems is childish. She say she don't know why she push the people she love and care about away. I've stood by her almost 4 years and understand she does this and this just how she does things. But this time I don't have the stamina or willpower to mess around with this immaturity especially since I been sick and I have to worry about getting my car fixed and getting back on my feet.

I wrote her a litter a long one she read it and I am sure that boosted her ego. But I sent her text telling her straight up what I am thinking which includes everything in this topic. Sometimes you can't just deal, I don't know if it's the bi-polar or not really. She has something because the way she acts isn't normal compared to her sisters. She has had me to choose between her and her family I choose her. Now she is playing stupid little kid games.

She sounded like a straight up whore early this year when me and her started talking about some time. Now she sound like one still. She don't mention none of that stuff to me to protect me and not get me mad. But I still find out because of my space.If you need time to think or space tell me don't have me guessing about how you are and worrying. It ain't fair I never ignored her. My sister tells me to stop talking to her for a while and she will come crying back.

I feel like doing it but I also feel as if I need a new GF now to help forget about my ex. She use to be a sweet nice strong woman now she is just being immature and stil doing the stuff she was doing when she was a younger girl. I know she just became an adult but still. I've changed with her I am more open about sexual escapades with her. I am more open about writing her and talking to her.

Today I sent her a letter and obviously it made her ego go through the roof. I won't lie it was a sweet letter that made me melt reading it. And probably made her to since it was about her. But for now I am going to try and get my car fixed so I can finally goto the mall/bookstore and what not to meet people.

I love her obviously still she first love and was there for me. But this silent treatment to findout what she want is childish even if it is her way of going about things. I don't have time with it and like I said I told her what was on my mind. I told her how I felt about this ignoring stuff and stuff along the lines of that thru her myself. She ain't read those she just read the letter.

I sent her a few text to about her being immature by pushing away people who are there for her. It's annoying bur whatever hopefully if I preoccupy with trying to get back on my feet and looking out for other girls then I will eventually have her texting me wondering about me and wanting to talk to me again.

I don't wanna sound cocky but I do get a lot of looks for girls out in public. When it comes to guys sometimes it's like a size up thing. I might not say much to a guy unless I was out making friends. But for the girls I am acknowledgment by girls often so I don't think I have a problem with finding a girl. My ex does get her ego from my letters,emails and talk. She probable knows this to.

So yes tomorrow I will work on my car hopefully the starter and starter seleniod will work. Then I can worry about other things  Then once that fixed I will get on to business about getting a part time mcdonalds job, save that money from that. Use my disability to pay for my cell and car bill.

Right now I am going to work out, I weigh 5'9 157 pounds I have cystic fibrosis. So I figure I have mostly muscle with some fat. It's hard to gain weight. But I am gonna be working out tonight that should help me sleep.

 thanks for reading