Adding Reply Archived Topic: It will not be bumped to the top of the forum. Topic My father cheated on my mother Membername   Not a member? Sign Up Free (takes 20 seconds) Password   Forgotten your password? Post Font: Verdana Arial Black Georgia Comic Sans Impact   Size: Tiny Normal Big Huge   Color: Default Dark Red Red Orange Brown Green Olive Cyan Blue Dark Blue Indigo Black [ Check Spelling ] [ Post Preview ] [ LiveTags ] FAQ Keyword Search: Post Options Favorites Manager Notify me of new replies to this topic by email Notify me of new replies to this topic by private message Original Post BrianOk Posted at 5:22 pm on Dec. 1, 2008 Hi. I'm new here. This is going to be my first post, and hopefully not my last. :) Anyway, yesterday I found out that my dad had an affair with another woman. I'm not going to go into details, but he's been buying her expensive jewelry and designer clothing, all of which my mom found the receipts for. She went through the records of his vehicle crossing the bridge...he's often been visiting her twice a day! The sad thing is, two Fridays ago was my mom's anniversary. He bought my mom a bouquet of roses (she was, at the time, talking about how beautiful it was and how lucky she was to have such a great husband). However, on the same day (according to one of the receipts), my dad bought some pretty expensive stuff for this woman. The thing is, I was at first angry with him. But now, I'm starting to feel bad for him. I guess I'm very easy to forgive. I just wish my mom would let this go and let our family be normal again. Then again, I understand how hard this is for her...and she shouldn't simply forgive and forget. I'm just so lost and confused. Today my dad came up to me crying telling me how much he loves me and said that he wishes things would just be normal again. I don't know what to do, what to think. I'm still in a daze. I never suspected anything until yesterday. Not once. My dad never seemed like that kind of person! And now everything has changed. I just want my dad back. :(

Replies Deadman15 Posted at 8:02 am on Dec. 3, 2008 Wow, I'm really sorry you have to go through this. But he is your dad, he's always going to love you and care for you and want to be there the best way he knows how. He more than anything didnt do this to hurt you or anything like that. But, it is going to take time for things to be anywhere close to normal. Now he is a guy and guys do make mistakes. it doesnt mean he doesnt love or care for either you or you mom any less. He just chose this maybe because something was missing or he wasn't getting what he was looking for. But, also dont judge him for his mistake, he is still your father and he still loves you either way you look at it. If he didnt i seriously doubt he would come up to you crying because of what he did or how he's feeling. So take pride in that because it could have been a different experience. But, like said he loves you and cares about you and you never know your mother could have been doing the exact same thing to him, but you never know what goes on behind closed doors. He's still your dad and he loves you just remember that. I hope i helped PM me at anytime im here to talk or answer any questions you may have. BrianOk Posted at 7:28 pm on Dec. 2, 2008 Thankfully, my parents are talking to out rationally. My mom is really not yelling at my dad anymore. My dad's going to see a psychiatrist, who will hopefully be able to prescribe him some better drugs to deal with his depression (...which I believe I forgot to mention). I've been feeling much better now about my family and myself. Tomorrow, hopefully (well, not really...considering how boring it is) will be just a normal day in school. SeekingPurity Posted at 8:21 pm on Dec. 1, 2008 That's tough. My sympathy and prayers are with your family. I'm sorry that I don't have any real advice to offer. Malachite Morning Posted at 7:33 pm on Dec. 1, 2008 What you need to understand first and foremost is that you have your dad, and you always will. He loves you, and that will never change. He didn't do this to you, by any means. I know it can be pretty difficult trying to swallow something like this at one time. That's why they say that time heals all wounds. Rome wasn't built in a day. It's just a confusing mess that needs time to untangle. He could very well have just been frustrated, and made a bad decision. Now, it sounds like your mom put as much trust into your father as you did, if not more. He sounds like he feels genuinely sorry, but once you hurt someone... that bad, and on their anniversary, it's hard to gain their trust back. Someone above did give a good point. Your dad is the same person as he was a year ago. He's the same person you grew up with, and despite what happens in the future, he is, and will always be, your dad. So, don't feel like you're losing your dad, because you're not. hersheyparker Posted at 5:52 pm on Dec. 1, 2008 I'm sure that is a very difficult situation for your family. Understand how your mom feels, though. I hope things will work out. cadetjones2011 Posted at 5:37 pm on Dec. 1, 2008 Quote: from IMPALA at 8:24 pm on Dec. 1, 2008 OK OK ok to be perfectly honest, it won't be normal. Your mom will always realize in the back of her head that your dad pulled that shit and the relationship, married or not, will be pretty difficult.   Trust is a big thing in any relationship - once it is broken, you're fucked unless someone is easy to trust again . I second this eklipse Posted at 5:37 pm on Dec. 1, 2008 Wow, it must be really hard for you to figure out and digest what your dad has done. Things like that are hard to get over, but for all you know, there might be a positive... but honestly, I doubt. Things like these tend to tear families apart, and over the next few days/weeks, you may be in for a rude awakening. All i can suggest, being that I've never been in this type of situation, is that if your parents get into an argument, don't get into the middle of it or choose a side, you don't want them taking it out on you, that would be a worst-case scenario. Obviously, if your father had been wanting to keep it a secret, he would have kept the receipts in a more secure area, one in which your mother would have to seriously search for in order to find. So it's possible that he may have been hoping that your mom find out what he's been doing. In a way, it may be easier for him to express what he's been doing, but, this does not make it right in any shape or form, or does it make it any easier on your mom. Just be there for her, it's going to be tough. Maybe the bouquet was a way of your dad showing that he still cares. They could also be him showing guilt for what he's done. If he's been buying multiple expensive items for this 'mystery' lady, then I suggest that he might feel guilty going home to your mom. This isn't always the case, he may feel that what he's doing is "perfectly fine". What you have to understand is, although you might want to feel angry and upset, and your mind is swirling with emotions, it honestly isn't your place to judge or forgive him. You don't know what is going on behind closed doors with your mom and him, and you don't know what she's said or done. Maybe she's doing the same thing too him, but is more secretive. You never know, life is a mystery. Again, don't judge anyone and don't choose a side, you'll end up hurting yourself and someone you love. It's okay to feel lost and confused. Although your father did this, it doesn't mean he doesn't love you or your mom any less. People do make mistakes, and will in turn, regret them very much so. It might be hard at first, but over time, you'll need to learn from his mistakes and what he's done, and forgive. If he does it again, then maybe he isn't suitable for the thing we call "Marriage and Family", maybe he is torn apart inside. Your dad is still the same person he was a week, a month, a year ago. He just made a huge life-altering mistake, which we all have made. Don't think of him of any less of a person than he is, he is already going through a tough time as it is. He's still the loving caring father he used to be. Hope this helped.. Feel free to talk or ask me questions whenever. bigredron Posted at 5:27 pm on Dec. 1, 2008 It wont be normal again. He still cheated. I hate cheating and personally will never do it and if I found out my partner did I would be pissed off to. Hopefully they will sort everything out but it will take time, and probably lots of it, to make things kind of normal again. babecakes Posted at 5:26 pm on Dec. 1, 2008 u cant just let that go.  thats dishonor. once its destroyed  it can never be the same. blackbandaid Posted at 5:25 pm on Dec. 1, 2008 That's a really difficult situation. Feeling loyalty towards two parents during conflict can be really hard. And just not knowing what to feel about your dad. I get that. Maybe you could start by letting it all out. writing letters helped me once. You can write one to yourself, your dad, your mum. you dont have to give it to them, but it can really help you start to get your head around how you feel, and get used to the situation you've been put in. I hope things become more clear for you in time. IMPALA Posted at 5:24 pm on Dec. 1, 2008 OK OK ok to be perfectly honest, it won't be normal. Your mom will always realize in the back of her head that your dad pulled that shit and the relationship, married or not, will be pretty difficult. Trust is a big thing in any relationship - once it is broken, you're fucked unless someone is easy to trust again . Tag548 Posted at 5:24 pm on Dec. 1, 2008 aww im wicked sorry! surfergurl Posted at 5:24 pm on Dec. 1, 2008 your family will never be the same again..You need to confront him before you and your mom fall apart too. Your mom needs to confront him. iceman89 Posted at 5:23 pm on Dec. 1, 2008 you can make profit from this. IMPALA Posted at 5:23 pm on Dec. 1, 2008 That's rough. Maybe your mom should go down a little more often. Most recent 15 of 15 previous replies displayed.