Quoting Post Archived Topic: It will not be bumped to the top of the forum. Topic It hurts... Membername   Not a member? Sign Up Free (takes 20 seconds) Password   Forgotten your password? Post Font: Verdana Arial Black Georgia Comic Sans Impact   Size: Tiny Normal Big Huge   Color: Default Dark Red Red Orange Brown Green Olive Cyan Blue Dark Blue Indigo Black [ Check Spelling ] [ Post Preview ] [ LiveTags ] Quote: from [m]Fortis Obscurum[/m] at 10:02 pm on Aug. 18, 2008[quote]Not all the time :sly:[/quote] FAQ Keyword Search: Post Options Favorites Manager Notify me of new replies to this topic by email Notify me of new replies to this topic by private message Original Post Just Waiting Here Posted at 10:01 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 ... because an 'I'm sorry' doesn't take away the sadness. --- Time will tell, I've never given up hope, because someone needs to have it. And by chance, if you're still here... Best of luck to you, and I hope you find your happiness in life. ---

Replies Just Waiting Here Posted at 10:46 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 Quote: from prisoner of hss at 10:42 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 i dislike humanity's direction in general, but i place myself above (most) people. i dont know why you would place yourself below everyone else. i 'hated' people when i was miserable but it wasnt nearly as philosophical or intelligent as later. if anything, realizing how much of morons people are helped me feel better about myself i dont try to 'soften' things persay but i try to distract myself if those are along the same lines, doesnt work well though. but theres nothing else one can really do Yes, but as weird as it is, while placing myself below all others, I also placed myself above.  Which is part of the disgust. I hate being selfish, I hate feeling that I'm better than others, and I hate realizing that all my "kindness" is all ways of pleasing myself.  Everything that is done is only done for gain, and that is the way of the world.  No matter what you do, it cannot be twisted into selfishness. I hated myself, because I understood myself, and I hated myself for thinking that despite all that, I was still better.  It's a disgusting feeling for me to rank myself better than others, and I still do it today, and I dislike that feeling. In terms of the selfishness of human beings, I've come to 'soften' it, by accepting that there are two forms of selfishness... and that one should not be looked badly upon.  But there are so many other things that are part of humanity that would be nice to be rid of, but it is impossible to do so. iconoclast Posted at 10:42 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 i dislike humanity's direction in general, but i place myself above (most) people. i dont know why you would place yourself below everyone else. i 'hated' people when i was miserable but it wasnt nearly as philosophical or intelligent as later. if anything, realizing how much of morons people are helped me feel better about myself i dont try to 'soften' things persay but i try to distract myself if those are along the same lines, doesnt work well though. but theres nothing else one can really do Just Waiting Here Posted at 10:16 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 Quote: from prisoner of hss at 10:12 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 i dont know personally if anyone can 'accept' these things and fully be aware of them i dont know if anyone could be completely aware of them and even accept living at all its like a huge cloud looming over your head i suppose its possible to avoid it by moving away from civilization with someone you are close to but thats very hard to do and things would be rough Well, I try to "justify" them or "soften" things from life.  Like you said, to be completely aware of everything (or even some of the things), and to continue with it is hard to think of. One of my most prevalent thoughts in a particular state of depression was the absolute hatred of humanity, and placing myself at the bottom.  Because I knew myself better than anyone else, and that just disgusted me more. And as I said, justifying it or trying to soften in is more or less what I've done... iconoclast Posted at 10:12 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 i dont know personally if anyone can 'accept' these things and fully be aware of them i dont know if anyone could be completely aware of them and even accept living at all its like a huge cloud looming over your head i suppose its possible to avoid it by moving away from civilization with someone you are close to but thats very hard to do and things would be rough Just Waiting Here Posted at 10:10 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 Quote: from prisoner of hss at 10:03 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 eventually when one realizes how fucked UP almost everything really is theres a need to make a difference but that need is just a motivational crusher since it makes shit hopeless making a difference in someone's life...a true difference, nothing wrong with that though No, I've accepted how fucked up everything is.  That's something that I developed a few years ago, and truly peaked some of my emotionally distress (during the times of my depression). But I've accepted it, and leave it at that.  While some things may change, other things never will.  Like you said, a motivational crusher... because at the end of the day, there's not much that can be done... iconoclast Posted at 10:03 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 eventually when one realizes how fucked UP almost everything really is theres a need to make a difference but that need is just a motivational crusher since it makes shit hopeless making a difference in someone's life...a true difference, nothing wrong with that though Just Waiting Here Posted at 9:25 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 Quote: from prisoner of hss at 9:21 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 i mean actually making a difference i guess its not so black and white as in sheep or non-sheep but there are different levels Right, but I have no need to feel that I'm making a difference... all the time. I do have that need, but not on a large scale.  Knowing that I may have made the slightest difference in one person's life are the little benefits I like the receive (ie being a support leader, though I doubt I often make a difference). Who knows, I must be a half sheep :).  Half sheep, half cow... :). iconoclast Posted at 9:21 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 i mean actually making a difference i guess its not so black and white as in sheep or non-sheep but there are different levels Just Waiting Here Posted at 9:00 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 Quote: from prisoner of hss at 7:49 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 well its better than being a sheep but its boring and its lame to realize that all your efforts got you absolutely nowhere in terms of doing anything productive in the world because not much can really be done but if you had known this in the first place, wouldve been nice I don't know about being a sheep... and I don't have to necessarily feel productive to gain happiness.  I have a few things which are my hopes for the future, and that's all I need.  Productivity... is very much relative to the person... iconoclast Posted at 7:49 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 well its better than being a sheep but its boring and its lame to realize that all your efforts got you absolutely nowhere in terms of doing anything productive in the world because not much can really be done but if you had known this in the first place, wouldve been nice Just Waiting Here Posted at 7:45 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 Quote: from prisoner of hss at 5:35 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 everything can turn around, it just takes time. and theres a big difference between actually being there philosophically and just being miserable usually with these things its impossible to be 'normal', once you get over it if you truly do (not many people really do) you end up pretty different than everyone else, because there was a legitimate reason or problem for why you felt that way in the first place Yeah... iconoclast Posted at 5:35 pm on Aug. 19, 2008 everything can turn around, it just takes time. and theres a big difference between actually being there philosophically and just being miserable usually with these things its impossible to be 'normal', once you get over it if you truly do (not many people really do) you end up pretty different than everyone else, because there was a legitimate reason or problem for why you felt that way in the first place Just Waiting Here Posted at 9:45 am on Aug. 19, 2008 Quote: from prisoner of hss at 10:48 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 you just have to stop giving a crap about everything and gain a really really broad perspective and have almost nothing to lose then the sky is the limit but theres nothing really to reach for Yes, I've hit points like that, but only when I reached my worst state of depression. Sadly, doing what you're asking is to destroy everything I've been for the past 18 years... and it's so fixed into my life (in fact, it's part of my faults), that it's not something I can turn around. My concern and worry for others and events is one of the things that really takes a toll on me sometimes, and if I could at least tone it down to a normal level, that would be nice, lol. iconoclast Posted at 10:48 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 you just have to stop giving a crap about everything and gain a really really broad perspective and have almost nothing to lose then the sky is the limit but theres nothing really to reach for Just Waiting Here Posted at 10:47 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 Quote: from prisoner of hss at 10:36 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 ive left depression and become an angry cynic its less comfortable and routine but its not miserable any longer I've left depression, but sadly, I'm a worrier at heart -__-'. Sometimes, I wish it would be nice to get rid of any emotion... but it's not something I'm consciously capable of, and not something I truly wish to do. C'est la vie.  Live life, move on. Most recent 15 of 21 previous replies displayed.