I'm lost in a world of shadows.  Even my own dreams reflect this in voids of nightmares.  I want this saddness to end, but that is to want to end my own life.  I have been so confused, I do not even know who I love or hate anymore.  Moments are good, but life is bad.  Times are worth laughing about, but my experiences have me crying.  You ave left me in a strange and desolate place, without a map, without direction, without a way out.  

Yet you have no idea, because I have never told you.

Once i offered up to you the secrets of my heart,  You took me under wing and sheltered me, but only for a day, only for that time, only for a minute.  Then you forgot.  You forgot because my life is a mask.  I smile while underneath I frown.  I try to keep this mask on because even I am afraid of what is hidden underneath.   My mind has wandered away from my control.  My life is not joyful and carefree anymore.  I blame this on you, but I know its not true.  You have given me more happiness than I have ever known.

And also more pain.

I am lost with no hope for the future.  My values have been corrupted, my thoughts drift into indulgences of mutilations.  Trumpets cry out within me, but all I hear now is the chilling silence of defeat.  Defeat from what?

I speak in riddles to myself even.  Perhaps I am afraid that if I write down the truth, it makes it more real.  Or more likely, perhaps I don't know what is within myself.  

Alone.  I am ment to be alone.  

Please, just let it end.  I want to melt away into the sunset that glimmers atop the rippling waters of the Ocean.  

I want out of this cell that has been created from mystery.  

No longer do I find myself loving life as I always have before.

Why?