So right now I feel ok, I am disappointed at the resilants of my body. This isn't the first botched attempt. I don't know why I feel a sense of content when the most important thing to me seems gone forever. Why do I feel so content right now? It's very confusing and I feel like I am in denial and it just ain't hit me of what I've lost. Please help me with your words.

Why after this failed suicide/self harm act do I feel content and calm?

What do I do from here, what if I am in denial and it all hit me again and I try this reckless stuff again?

This person and the situation with them runs deep inside my mind and heart, so I know they aren't totally gone from my conscious and it make me scared that I'm just never gonna be normal because of them and our situation. I feel in days or weeks to come I might try this suicidal crap again. I hate having to get to the point of death just to feel good for a little bit.

help me, I'm alive and content for now but I know this person isn't gonna be out my life for good ever and all they do is bring me to the point of self harm and suicide.

What can I do if they are part of my heart and soul and mind. I'll never be rid of them, I'm not naive enough to think that I can totally purge me heart,mind and soul of them. I know they are the same when it come to me it like I'll never be normal or happy again.