Quote: from Raging Inferno at 12:28 pm on Nov. 17, 2008 I guess I'm not ignored here, but in real life, I sure as hell have been and you could probably see thats a reason why I see things the way I do. That really is a tough thing to go through. Feeling like you're all alone in hurting, that can really make things worse. Would you be willing to look into talking to a professional, or maybe going to a hospital for something like this? I'm not sure what you've tried in the past, so I'm not sure if you've already gone that route, but if things are as serious as you make them seem it may be worth a shot. No one is expecting you to be magically happy and full of rainbows tomorrow. Sometimes life just sucks, and sometimes it sucks for years. I know that that's not a very optimistic thing to hear, but sometimes it's helpful to know that this isn't just you, but that sometimes the world is just shit that's out of your control. My ex used to always ramble on about "we choose our own happiness", and that always made me feel worse. It can be very frustrating to have everyone else act like your problems don't matter. Like you somehow want to feel like crap. Meh. I could break up with that boyfriend, but I suppose in your case it isn't that easy. Sorry, I'm feeling like I'm not really helping, but I hope I'm not making you feel worse.
I guess I'm not ignored here, but in real life, I sure as hell have been and you could probably see thats a reason why I see things the way I do.
Would you be willing to look into talking to a professional, or maybe going to a hospital for something like this? I'm not sure what you've tried in the past, so I'm not sure if you've already gone that route, but if things are as serious as you make them seem it may be worth a shot.
No one is expecting you to be magically happy and full of rainbows tomorrow. Sometimes life just sucks, and sometimes it sucks for years. I know that that's not a very optimistic thing to hear, but sometimes it's helpful to know that this isn't just you, but that sometimes the world is just shit that's out of your control.
My ex used to always ramble on about "we choose our own happiness", and that always made me feel worse. It can be very frustrating to have everyone else act like your problems don't matter. Like you somehow want to feel like crap. Meh. I could break up with that boyfriend, but I suppose in your case it isn't that easy.
Sorry, I'm feeling like I'm not really helping, but I hope I'm not making you feel worse.
Yes, I have talked to professionals before. Some thought I was actually okay, and some just thought I should write things out, which I did for a while, until writing it all out became more painful than it was worth. Most didn't really help much at all. I don't know what more to say.
Suicide is NEVER a solution. Everything that may happen to you right now, which I assume is teenage years, is fixable, moreover, it will go away by itself. Suicide is the last thing - life is beautiful, there's so many good things to experience in life. You have so many years ahead of you - why would you ever want to end it...
Why? Everything has caused me pain that is probably not imaginable to you, and thats probably a good thing. I'm not exactly a teenager anymore, I'll only be one for a little while longer, say few years or so. I don't see these things you see. I don't see my life as beautiful, I see it as the cold, tormenting existence that it is.
Again, you say things that are easier said than done. Its not as if I have not tried, its that the harder I try, the tighter it holds to me, There is no such thing as "unruining" myself. The damage has been done, and will never go away, not because I say so, but because it simply will not. I've been outside. I have played sports outside. I do talk to people. But nothing ever really changes. I am not well off. I'm just average. I have friends and family, that abandoned me at the first sign of my misery and offered no support, and you actually are going to tell me to do something for myself, when I have made the effort to try, over and over again and nothing really changes, whether I am occupied with something or not. Despite my family living with me, they don't even acknowledge my telling them of my depression or suicidal feelings. They simply pretend I never said anything. I have to keep explaining these things over and over again....
Unfortunately, I know that I am not well. Maybe I'm not going to do it this time, or the next time, but I am always feeling like I'm going to do it the next time and the feeling, the want, the urge to free myself from the pain keeps getting stronger and I'm afraid the one chance I may even get at feeling the happiness I've been searching for so long for will be thrown away because of the years spent in anguish, not by choice, but by the circumstances I was put in. Tired of hearing everyone say I should "move on", or "get over it" only brings me down further, because I have tried to, and it doesn't work. Thats the thing, the more things I try, the less they work and soon become ineffective, for example, my depression is stronger than my want to exercise. I guess I'm not ignored here, but in real life, I sure as hell have been and you could probably see thats a reason why I see things the way I do.
Look, only YOU can decide if it brings you down further, cos in fact, it's not.
You have the psychological power to decide, to think to do almost whatever you want, and you're giving yourself up this easy?
Please.
There was a group of people, in Japan, an American man in the middle of the crowd, and some japanese people, and more joing the crowd. The American man was crying, because a friend of his had committed suicide. He had even doubled over, with all the pain and sorrow. The japanese people were laughing at him. They were LAUGHING. Now you may ask why... The Japanese people have a different mentality to almost everyone else in the world: Life is too short. You have to make the most of it, and this person that committed suicide (for them) was incredibly stupid, because he was ending his life even sooner.
Don't feel sorry for yourself. There's absolutely nothing to be angry/upset/miserable about. What for?
For crying out loud, someone screwed you, GET OVER IT (or screw them back, I would) somebody cheated on you, GET OVER IT, and dump leave that person, somebody "ruined" you, GET THE FUCK OVER IT. I they ruined you, unruin yourself. Go outside, right now, play some football, listen to some music, go to a cafeteria, speak to the first person you see on the road.
You think it's going to help moaning about it here? (Fine not moaning, but complaining then) You have to do things for yourself.
My mum used to tell me that if I felt miserable, or as if nothing I did made me feel good, meant that I wasn't occupied enough in life. Which meant I had to do some housework, sports, go out more. It helped straight away.
I hope you're reading this, because more and more people don't know what to do with their splendid (sometimes spoilt) lifes, I bet you're well off (if not, then you have good friends and family.)
So please, do something for yourself.
I hope this helped.
As we grow and gain different experience, it seems like our minds want to grow with us, so we have to keep changing our actions. Our tastes change, our desires change, and thus things that support us emotionally change.
Other than that, well, I'm not really sure what to say. Finding out what works for you really is a personal journey, and I think that it's something that the majority of people go through, older, younger, female, male, etc. Understanding yourself and how the world effects you really is an ongoing battle, which is why things like depression are so hard to handle, because most people don't even know how to handle themselves, let alone give tips to help someone else handle it.
Anyway, I read this, so you're not ignored. Sometimes I find that to be a large comfort, so I wanted to give that to you.
You know what I said to them: Send my mother the flowers.
Obviously I'm still here, but that's because I chose to be. We can't tell you what's right or wrong. We can only offer advice. And if you're taking the 10 seconds to second guess yourself and ask us what to do... you already know you're not going to do it this time.
Best of luck in the future.
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