i dont get it.

i used to be so happy and wayyy skinny back then. 90 something lbs and 5 feet. i ate the world but never threw up on purpose or starved myself. i had tons of friends and was loud and outgoing. always smiling.

now im 5 feet. 145 lbs! and only 2 yrs have passed.

am i sad because of all the meds im stuck on for being 'bipolar mania' or because i gained weight because of the meds?

everyone tells me its because im older and my metabolism has changed.. but i dont believe it? idk. how come i only gained weight AFTER the meds if it was JUST my metabolism?

im just SOO frustrated! *sigh*

to make it worse... ive shoved my past deep into my mind so i dont have to think about it any more. is it worse that my dad semi-sexually abused me or that no one believes me?

i cant even think straight!!! ive been quiet for so long that now im spewing all this random stuff. i especially dont want to talk to my friends about my depression because... i think they already know.. what with my no longer laughing at the usual jokes, hanging out 24/7, being skinny anymore. its ridiculous to think they just like me for my weight but idk..... help??