I've been trying to re-read ‘Birdsong’ as well, but I'm finding it very hard to settle into. The last book I read, ‘Choke’, was way back in November. I find it hard to get into a new story so very often I re-read the few books I have, and I enjoy doing that, but I just haven't been able to get into a story at all. But I think the love theme in ‘Birdsong’, a book I really enjoyed, is annoying me for some reason. I might switch to ‘The Forgotten Soldier’ or ‘Chickenhawk’.

So Catherine wouldn’t talk to me a week ago. I've thought about her everyday of course, but I haven't felt anything about it, other than three or four moments of upset. But nothing serious. I guess I just stopped caring. It’s taken a lot out of me, and I don't think there's anything left in me. I feel like butter spread across bread too thinly. I'm worn out – the inside of me. Not emotionally, but something inside me has just stopped and reached an end. I still like her, I still care about her, but I just don't….I just don't…whatever that is.

I can’t find much music either since Catherine shrugged me off. I've listed to 4 or 5 songs since then…all of them rap, mindless, pointless ones, except for ‘Stan’, that's the only one that actually gets an emotion out of me, then I listen to it repeatedly.

I'm working now too, so at least I've got something to do during the day. But free time…what do I do during that…the gym, boxing, art….and even arts a bit boring now.

Its not depression, it’s like a sense of…desolateness in a crowd of people, looking for someone, that isn’t there and you don't know who it is.

I found another nice girl last Wednesday night, already feelings have faded dramatically, but maybe, maybe…