I transferred to a school in NY my second semester, mainly because my bf was there and gave me the courage to do so. It's where I'd always wanted to be...but I don't honestly know if I would have gone if he weren't there... But something terrible happened and he left my first week there...I spent the rest of my time there alone, depressed, and suffering from an anxiety disorder.

Now I'm set to attend the school he used to be at...alone... He's not coming back...he can't...no one will be waiting for me this time...and I'm scared... I feel like such a baby, this campus is comprised of so many out of state students that this sort of thing is common. Almost half of the campus is from another state, I'm not alone.

I'm going to miss my Mom and my Gram...and even my Dad at times even though he's an incredibly stressful and sometimes mean person and my brother even though he rarely leaves his room (or his video games) anymore... I didn't visit my older half brother enough...and I didn't get to visit an old friend of mine, we haven't been able to make it work yet and we're running out of time... I know I'll have a break in November but I miss my boyfriend too, I miss him with all my heart, it's been so long since I've gotten to see him and I'll have to split my time between him and my family if I can.

I know I'll be okay once I get settled in and figure things out. I also know I'll benefit from being able to see a counselor again. And, who knows, maybe I'll finally make a friend that'll stick and won't turn on me. But it's that initial break...packing, saying goodbye, trying to find my way...it just kills me... But, overall, I think things are better this way, I'll be attending a great school with a great reputation and learning a field that I love. And every kid needs to get out on their own at some point. For me, that point came months ago, I just haven't adjusted yet but I will.