Quoting Post Archived Topic: It will not be bumped to the top of the forum. Topic Advice is Nice! Membername   Not a member? Sign Up Free (takes 20 seconds) Password   Forgotten your password? Post Font: Verdana Arial Black Georgia Comic Sans Impact   Size: Tiny Normal Big Huge   Color: Default Dark Red Red Orange Brown Green Olive Cyan Blue Dark Blue Indigo Black [ Check Spelling ] [ Post Preview ] [ LiveTags ] Quote: from [m]QueenOfGeeks[/m] at 8:04 pm on May 1, 2008[quote]It's totally selfish of HER to tell you that. She chose to be selfish in the first place. You were responsible and took care of yourself instead. She just needs to grow up, like you already have.[/quote] FAQ Keyword Search: Post Options Favorites Manager Notify me of new replies to this topic by email Notify me of new replies to this topic by private message Original Post Jazmosis06 Posted at 8:01 pm on May 1, 2008 Okay, back in 2004, my mother met a guy and decided to move 100 miles north of where we live now. i refused to go, so i began living on my own at 17. My decision entirely. Since then i've managed to make it on my own. i graduated, i got a job, met a nice guy, and i now live with him and his brother. My mother has since returned home (or attempted anyway) and just expects me to drop everything, move out from where im at, transfer job locations, all that mess just to take her in and support her since she cant hold a job because she cant keep her mouth shut. (very opinionated the past 8 months). im torn. i dont know if im being selfish by NOT changing my whole life around for her or whether im doing the right thing. i've helped her with money here and there, but its putting a strain on my own finances. now shes threatening to move back 100 miles north, saying she doesn't know why she moved back down here to begin with. help would be nice. i hope you take the time to read it. im very confused and frustrated. my boyfriend is in the hospital and she chooses NOW of all times to pull this shit with me. *sigh* i finally got my blue bar, btw.

Replies Just Waiting Here Posted at 8:25 pm on May 1, 2008 You know... I told my sister that I thought about not moving out when I finally finished highschool... and she said something to me.  She told me that I need to live my own life, and I can't live it for my parents. I know you feel the guilt, and I'm not telling you to completely ignore your mother.  But if you can't do it, you can't do it.  Why drop everything in your life, and make ~yourself~ miserable to correct ~her~ mistakes.  Why do ~you~ have to be the one that suffers from her choices, or from her inability to hold a job. Of course... she's your mother, right?  If you can help her out, then do so, and tell her that you will help her when you can.  But you also have to let her know that you now have your ~own~ responsibilities in life, and you can't customize your life to revolve around her needs. So try and talk to her... she may get angry, but that's her choice.  Be happy in your life... live for youself, and do what you need to do... and if you can spare some time to help her out, then do so.  But don't put yourself at a disadvantage just to correct ~her~ mistakes. I know it may sound harsh, but I'm sure you'll understand what I mean.  You can't help but love your family, and you would do ANYTHING to help them... but there are some things that we have to continue doing for ourselves.  Your mom is like this most likely due to her errors... so while you can help her out, you don't have to destroy yourself to correct ~her~ mistake.  Does that make sense...?  Find a happy medium, something that you can make it work out for.  Remember, family will ALWAYS be family... they ARE important, but if you can't do it, then you can't do it. Maybe having a chat with her will help you out.  Seeing what she needs, and if you can help her with that.  Maybe discussing something and making a plan will help clear up the situation more :).  Good luck! Reconciliation Posted at 8:15 pm on May 1, 2008 Quote: from bballbabe21 at 8:07 pm on May 1, 2008 Don't give into her. you have your own life now. my sister made the same mistake with my mom and it only set her back. your mom is suppose to be the adult. let her be. agreed bballbabe21 Posted at 8:07 pm on May 1, 2008 Don't give into her. you have your own life now. my sister made the same mistake with my mom and it only set her back. your mom is suppose to be the adult. let her be. QueenOfGeeks Posted at 8:04 pm on May 1, 2008 It's totally selfish of HER to tell you that. She chose to be selfish in the first place. You were responsible and took care of yourself instead. She just needs to grow up, like you already have. gr8akia Posted at 8:03 pm on May 1, 2008 do what you want to do. dont give up what you have going. i know it sounds mean, but its not. she just needs to learn. All 5 previous replies displayed.