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Get lost in the person you want to be. Do you understand how time can go so slow? But yet, tomorrow dawns and your yesterday has disappeared? Where has the childhood gone? Did I pass by it, forget it, or did it never happen at all?

My yesterdays seem so vague to me. Everything that has once happened is supposed to be a memory, good or bad. Demons should not control me. I should not let them. But just how do I stop it? How to I turn to my guardian angel when I can't find one there?

Has it been so long that I can't remember faces? The faces of people who have taught me so many things. How to sew, how to drive, how to mourn one without letting yourself die with them. Does anyone truly understand life? Is anyone happy 100% of the time? I'm not asking to be a sociopath. Nor am I asking to have a kodak perfect life. But I don't understand it all.

How do you forget someone else's past when it creeps up on you ever so slyly? How do you forget your own when you're so ashamed of the life that has lead you to where you are?

Amazing things are happening, and they are blurring right by my head. Was I happy just yesterday? Or has my inner clock immobilized and now it just seems so close. Yet, so distant.

Tell me, my angel, how it is you do what you do. How you can have the patience to help people like me? How you can stand by someone's side and watch their soul die a little more everyday and not get lost with it. How it is that you spend every day drying tears and trying to mend broken hearts.

Some hearts can't be stitched back together, dear angel. For parts have eroded a hole in which no piece will fit. Therefore leaving a space where everything is void. The dark part of me. The part that wishes I had the lack of conscience to return to my 8 year old body. The love I felt from a piece of broken glass. Who would've thought?

Silent screaming redness trickling drop by drop until it became too much to handle. The smile I didn't deserve to put upon my face. The shaking hands, the fast-paced breathing. The chills I got all the way down my spine; and to look at it again, chills on the way up. The scars from numerous accounts of self-destruction. The loss of reality. The friend I have lost for so many years now. The friend that has turned to a hatred type of enemy. The lack of will-power trying to overcome me. Who do I turn to when the only thing I trust will hurt me? Although, I think pain and I have a love hate relationship. Without it, I'd be nothing. Unfortunately, with it, I'm also nothing. So when does nothing merge into something more?

I'm a lost cause for the weak-hearted. Nothing can save me now. And if I am nothing, then I can only save myself.

If I only knew how.