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Music: I love music, and I love to sing!
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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Adding Reply

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Topic Crappiness
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Original Post
californication Posted at 3:05 pm on June 27, 2008
I don't even know if you would call this crap I pulled out my butt poetry or if it even rhymes properly. But could I get your input on it? I wrote it in like 5 min. I didn't go over it, it is very rough, so take my crappiness into your consideration.

You can walk away and go watch Queen
While I sit here and try to dream
Of a time when you didn't walk away
A time were we could laugh and play
Not disturbed by mechanical things
And the sadness that their pleasure brings.
For now all you do is stay away
Alone in your room, not wanting to play
Surrounded by light, he laughs and sings
Not knowing of the sadness his pleasure brings
For my eyes are blurry and cannot see
The love he has forgotten to show me.

Replies
lovelovelove Posted at 4:10 pm on June 28, 2008
It's not very original. But I do give you credit as it is probably your first try.
save the world Posted at 4:47 am on June 28, 2008
It's okay, but your negativity puts it in a poor light.
californication Posted at 3:09 pm on June 27, 2008
haha I suck
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