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Topic Trying to prove Elephantis wrong?
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Original Post
Teenuh Posted at 1:26 am on Aug. 12, 2008
I'm going to post a few poems of my own.
See what you think.


Untitled:

Engulfed in an entirely different element

Seemingly shut off from the world

The night was inspiring

And the fresh air brought cold chills

.. ..

Stars twinkled their brightest

For the animals of the night

But many things seemed too enticing

As the animals hid from the star's gleam

.. ..

Time flew quickly and soon dawn broke

This new light hid the luminescent stars

And brought a new order of shade and hue

To the once dark blue never-ending atmosphere

.. ..

As one could see the sun searching for the darkness

A spider could be seen spinning her web

An elaborate fix of nearly invisible strings

Now the day had begun and the spider could only wait

Unpredictable:


She counts the hours
And starts on days
When will it all end?
Her life seemed a haze

How would she amount to anything?
How would things end up?
Her face flushed as daylight
She searched for her coverup

Everything began to look the same
And yet life was different
No one was guiding her
Where was her accompaniment?

So many questions
And so few answers
The only thing she knew
Was that doc called it cancer

It started in her lung
And slowly spread
Until her lung was engulfed
Like mold on a slice of old bread

She now lay beneath multiple 'doctor's'
And she starts going under
The heavy air takes her
If she would wake is what she would wonder

As seconds turned to minutes
and minutes to hours
Her potential saviors
Begin to lose power

More faith than power
They're losing it quickly
They hear the steady beep
And work more briskly

But nothing could be done
She couldn't be saved now
The doctor's wore somber faces
And wiped the sweat from their brows

The girls' spirit could be seen hovering
If one were watching with a close eye
But nothing could be seen
Except the breath from many a sigh

Nothing can been done
To stop the inevitable
So let things happen as they do
Life can be truly unpredictable


Gone:


As silence broke
I heard her cry
A plee for help
I begin to fly

Through unforgiving nature
And even through hell
To save a soul
Before it fell

Beneath the surface
On top of the world
I had to save her
Such a wayward girl

I inch closer
And closer still
Until I see her face
Oh, if looks could kill

But the look was familiar
A face so distraught
"I can see myself in her"
I aimlessly thought

The nearer I drew
The more I could see
The girl blankly staring
Could only be me

Only a younger version
Smaller and fragile
Broken from incident
Sent into exile

I raced over
And tried to embrace her
But she was already gone
Her spirit astir

It was all a mirage
Simply a daydream
Which helps one realize
Nothing's as it seems

Potential:


Capable of being,

But not yet in existence.

Said goal can be reached,

But only with persistence.

One could be more,

One could be less.

This could end with failure,

Or with success.

There's a definite illness,

With a possible cure.

This possible person,

Could quite possibly assure--

The patient in the waiting room,

Who is patiently waiting,

For the results from a test,

On this burden that's weighting.

Flawed:


As the wind blows

Through the trees,

The little girl falls

To her knees.

But something's different,

Something has changed.

Her whole life

Seems to have rearranged.

This one event

Changed it all.

Like the first leaves

Of autumn fall.

Her eyes are red,

And her clothes too.

Her wrists look stained

Black and blue.

All this through struggle,

All this through pain,

But this little girl stands up

And beckons the rain.


Sorry about the spaces and what not. I styled them in different ways when I was writing. hah.


what do you think?

Replies
Teenuh Posted at 1:31 am on Aug. 12, 2008
Quote: from Elephantis at 3:27 am on Aug. 12, 2008

Omg a topic title with my name in it!  

Idk, maybe i'm just picky.  
most poems on here seem cliche and cheesy.



i know what you mean. One of the reasons I didn't really feel like posting mine at first.


NOT TRYING TO SOUND CONCEITED.

Scarlet Tears Posted at 1:28 am on Aug. 12, 2008
I really like Gone it was excelent!
Elephantis Posted at 1:27 am on Aug. 12, 2008
Omg a topic title with my name in it!

Idk, maybe i'm just picky.
most poems on here seem cliche and cheesy.

All 3 previous replies displayed.