Quoting Post Archived Topic: It will not be bumped to the top of the forum. Topic short story Membername   Not a member? Sign Up Free (takes 20 seconds) Password   Forgotten your password? Post Font: Verdana Arial Black Georgia Comic Sans Impact   Size: Tiny Normal Big Huge   Color: Default Dark Red Red Orange Brown Green Olive Cyan Blue Dark Blue Indigo Black [ Check Spelling ] [ Post Preview ] [ LiveTags ] Quote: from [m]MXfreak[/m] at 2:50 pm on Aug. 18, 2008[quote]fun stuff[/quote] FAQ Keyword Search: Post Options Favorites Manager Notify me of new replies to this topic by email Notify me of new replies to this topic by private message Original Post dudeineedhelp Posted at 2:49 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 gone

Replies dudeineedhelp Posted at 2:59 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 Quote: from Al Legator at 10:55 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 Honest opinion is- it doesn't really go very far. It doesn't engage the reader or make me care about what's going on. It almost sounds like a riddle, rather than a story.(Also, "quite" was mis-typed ; ) .) If you want to take it further, maybe make the lipgloss a seemingly minor but ultimately pivotal point in a story about the person...a clue in a crime story, or an itme that bridges two individual lives or stories of two or more people. thanks il keep that in mind Al Legator Posted at 2:55 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 Honest opinion is- it doesn't really go very far. It doesn't engage the reader or make me care about what's going on. It almost sounds like a riddle, rather than a story.(Also, "quite" was mis-typed ; )  .) If you want to take it further, maybe make the lipgloss a seemingly minor but ultimately pivotal point in a story about the person...a clue in  a crime story, or an itme that bridges two individual lives or stories of two or more people. dudeineedhelp Posted at 2:52 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 Quote: from HateParents at 10:51 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 What a genuine anecdote. hmm is that sarcasm lol gman101 Posted at 2:51 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 i have no clue y you would want to think like a lipgloss. HateParents Posted at 2:51 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 What a genuine anecdote. deaths door14 Posted at 2:51 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 it's a pretty good start. MXfreak Posted at 2:50 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 fun stuff Fortis Obscurum Posted at 2:50 pm on Aug. 18, 2008 I didn't find it that good All 8 previous replies displayed.