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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Adding Reply

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Topic k, so im stuck.
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Original Post
iwantcandy Posted at 1:05 pm on Aug. 19, 2008

this is what i have so far.

You didn't have to say anything,
your eyes said it all.
Nothing can make it leave,
since the day i made that call.
The smallest thing can change you.....

k yeah,
Something is missing.
It just isn't right.
Thoughts?
Ideas?

Replies
verl mcverl Posted at 1:07 pm on Aug. 19, 2008
try and make your rhyming lines have the same amount of syllables, that might help
mudonthetires14 Posted at 1:06 pm on Aug. 19, 2008
it needs another line.. i dk what though. i suck at this stuff.
xBeautifulTragedyx Posted at 1:06 pm on Aug. 19, 2008
It's fine to me.
tennisplayerV2 Posted at 1:06 pm on Aug. 19, 2008
what is this even about might help
All 4 previous replies displayed.