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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Adding Reply

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Topic A few people I'm not
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Original Post
Ad libitum Posted at 3:24 pm on Aug. 28, 2008
[A poem of one. Constructive criticism please!]

Let me entice you to the rock pools,
Where legends of lost loves will be basking on the rocks.
Let us talk about lost memories,
And listen to the never played symphonies.
Come closer and catch my eye,
Whilst conversation fades, washed away with the tides.

Close those glistening green eyes,
And think of someone you physically admire.
On the count of three I will appear by your side,
And on opening those green eyes you shall see someone you physically despise.

I have no courage to chance feelings without a care,
If you ask why I felt what I did, I will blame it on a dare.


It's just about someone I used to like called Laura. There are influences of Morrissey and Tracey Thorn included in it.

Replies
Ad libitum Posted at 3:26 pm on Aug. 28, 2008
Quote: from californication at 11:25 pm on Aug. 28, 2008

It isn't bad, but I'm not a huge fan

What parts don't you like?

Chocolate Thunda Posted at 3:25 pm on Aug. 28, 2008
I like it a lot.
californication Posted at 3:25 pm on Aug. 28, 2008
It isn't bad, but I'm not a huge fan
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