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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Adding Reply

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Original Post
lindingair Posted at 1:39 am on Sep. 5, 2008
Sleepy nights
Suddenly my sleepy nights
Make dreamy days
At times I imagine his lips
Or my lips
Touching his lips
And some nights
I've heard his voice
Calling to my captive soul
Contained
Controlled
In love
I'm sold
To my own
Wild fantasies
That neither will be torn from me
Nor fulfilled
Dreamy day and sleepy night
I am reminded of
That line
Deep red and scrolled across
The monument of my emotions
Erected there to
Keep me
In shackles
Chained
Contained
Controlled
In love
Still sold
And
Bought with fools gold

Replies
Scarlet Tears Posted at 2:06 am on Sep. 5, 2008
Well its good but personally Id change a few parts
Still good though!
W o n d e r l a n d Posted at 1:58 am on Sep. 5, 2008
not my thing
ragemore Posted at 1:45 am on Sep. 5, 2008
It's interesting, I think a little rough at parts. Like it felt to me that the last line didn't fit the rhythm of the whole poem. But I'm no expert.

Overall I liked it though.

Latin Muscle Posted at 1:40 am on Sep. 5, 2008
4
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