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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Adding Reply

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Original Post
Danny11394 Posted at 8:45 pm on Sep. 11, 2008
I need opinions.What's good and what needs to be worked on? Thanks

Not a cloud in the sky, I look to the light.
Time soon passes, darkness covers the night.
People grouped together, like wolves in a pack.
There are people out here that will never come back.
The fireworks flash and kids kissing all dash.
Love takes everyone I know, so I am left all alone.
But the thing I'm most scared of, lies right in front of me.
That I'm afraid I'll never know real love.
I hate this life I'm living.
I want the luck other people are given.

Thinking about giving up, thinking to just stop trying.
But every time I see your face, I just keep on lying.

Now what the hell is going on?
What is this I have found?
Every little thing I do, goes straight into the ground.
I'll fight to the death for what I love and I'll fight to the end for you my friend.
Nothing else can bother me. I'm at the lowest of the low.

Replies
Danny11394 Posted at 8:53 pm on Sep. 11, 2008
No I wrote this when I was depressed.Lol.That's the point of it. It was saying how I was lonely when everyone else had a relationship going on. Hahaha.
blueroadrunner Posted at 8:51 pm on Sep. 11, 2008
sounds like ur depressed........go look for a happy poem...and get rid of the one u just wrote..........life is what u make it.......don't choose stuff that brings u down.........get through this bump in the road........u can do it!
reev Posted at 8:46 pm on Sep. 11, 2008
poetry doesn't always have to rhyme.
hI jAMES Posted at 8:46 pm on Sep. 11, 2008
I like it as is.
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