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Original Post
Anonymous Posted at 7:29 am on Sep. 14, 2008
I wrote this sex scene introduction and I need some opinions. I tried to make it as realistic as possible.

------------------------------------------

"Thanks for minding the kids, Zerana," said Benatrisha, "I realise it's a schoolnight and everything. Skyler is on his cellphone outside. He'll pay you and drive you home. I'm heading to bed".

"Goodnight, Mrs Lavertola!"

Skyler came inside.  

"Thanks a bunch, Zerana. Here's a fifty"

"Oh, that won't do at all" she smirked, pulling a baseball bat out from behind her back.

"What the f-?" exclaimed Skyler before Zerana knocked him out with the bat.  

Zerana's boyfriends came out from behind the curtain.

"Let's do this thing!" one of them said, pulling KY out of his pocket. Zerana, Malfasa, Triston and Derkola began stripping Skyler.

----------------------------------------------

So that's the lead-up to the sex. What do you think so far?

Replies
Erin15 Posted at 1:06 pm on Sep. 14, 2008
lol. Wow.
SpM Posted at 7:55 am on Sep. 14, 2008
Quote: from junkielik77 at 3:50 pm on Sep. 14, 2008

I believe this is a parody, of the sex scene I wrote earlier, in which you called "awkward".  

This is even more unrealistic than mine was.



Yeah, I realise it's probably a troll. There aren't any other entertaining topics up though, so I may as well play along.
SpM Posted at 7:53 am on Sep. 14, 2008
Quote: from Anonymous at 3:50 pm on Sep. 14, 2008

The question of 'why?' is a recurring theme in this series of novels I'm writing, and all my characters find themselves asking it, and considering suicide. Zerana and Triston both cut.

I'm asking about the nature of a  Drikarst Warrior, not existential angst or ridiculous emo vampires.


His wife is asleep.

She left the room 5 seconds before they clubbed him. She'd undress, brush her teeth and wonder why her husband wasn't joining her.
Anonymous Posted at 7:50 am on Sep. 14, 2008
Quote: from SpM at 7:49 am on Sep. 14, 2008

Quote: from Anonymous at 3:46 pm on Sep. 14, 2008

They're going to "rape" Skyler so that Derkola can consume his libido.

 He's a Drikarst Warrior and he needs to consume a libido every 17 days in order to stay alive.



Why?

And why are they "raping" him in his own house with his wife in an adjacent room?


The question of 'why?' is a recurring theme in this series of novels I'm writing, and all my characters find themselves asking it, and considering suicide. Zerana and Triston both cut.

His wife is asleep.

junkielik77 Posted at 7:50 am on Sep. 14, 2008
Quote: from SpM at 7:49 am on Sep. 14, 2008

Quote: from Anonymous at 3:46 pm on Sep. 14, 2008

They're going to "rape" Skyler so that Derkola can consume his libido.  

 He's a Drikarst Warrior and he needs to consume a libido every 17 days in order to stay alive.



Why?

And why are they "raping" him in his own house with his wife in an adjacent room?


I believe this is a parody, of the sex scene I wrote earlier, in which you called "awkward".

This is even more unrealistic than mine was.

SpM Posted at 7:50 am on Sep. 14, 2008
And why would a superstrong vampire need a baseball bat?
SpM Posted at 7:49 am on Sep. 14, 2008
Quote: from Anonymous at 3:46 pm on Sep. 14, 2008

They're going to "rape" Skyler so that Derkola can consume his libido.  

He's a Drikarst Warrior and he needs to consume a libido every 17 days in order to stay alive.



Why?

And why are they "raping" him in his own house with his wife in an adjacent room?

Anonymous Posted at 7:46 am on Sep. 14, 2008
Quote: from SpM at 7:41 am on Sep. 14, 2008

Quote: from Anonymous at 3:40 pm on Sep. 14, 2008

And she looks like a beautiful 14 year old so Benatrisha would assume she attends school.

By the way, why exactly are these people gang raping Tom?

They're going to "rape" Skyler so that Derkola can consume his libido.

He's a Drikarst Warrior and he needs to consume a libido every 17 days in order to stay alive.

junkielik77 Posted at 7:43 am on Sep. 14, 2008
Is this supposed to be some sort of parody of the ill-received sex scene I wrote earlier?

edit: I would not be surprised if Permious wrote this.

YeahBoii Posted at 7:42 am on Sep. 14, 2008
What the hell?
SpM Posted at 7:41 am on Sep. 14, 2008
Quote: from Anonymous at 3:40 pm on Sep. 14, 2008

And she looks like a beautiful 14 year old so Benatrisha would assume she attends school.

By the way, why exactly are these people gang raping Tom?
SpM Posted at 7:41 am on Sep. 14, 2008
Quote: from Anonymous at 3:39 pm on Sep. 14, 2008

Yes she is.

Did you just decide to write the most unoriginal story you could possibly think of?
Anonymous Posted at 7:40 am on Sep. 14, 2008
And she looks like a beautiful 14 year old so Benatrisha would assume she attends school.
Anonymous Posted at 7:39 am on Sep. 14, 2008
Quote: from SpM at 7:38 am on Sep. 14, 2008

Quote: from Anonymous at 3:37 pm on Sep. 14, 2008

She's actually 647 years old and is stronger than any grown man.

Firstly, why is the fact that it's a schoolnight relevant?

Secondly, please tell me she isn't a vampire.


Yes she is.

ijustdontknow Posted at 7:38 am on Sep. 14, 2008
its rape
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