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Quote: from [m]ocdbabe[/m] at 5:40 pm on Oct. 24, 2008[quote]Sun high, thoughts low. She'd never felt like this before. The young lover was alone even with a friend by her side. She wished for rain to match her mood and remembered the days when she prayed for light. A friend by her side who spoke kind words and reassured her she would be just fine. A friend by her side who thought he knew and assumed she spoke the truth. Falling thoughts, rising sun. She didn't care for serenity though. All I had to do was look her in the eyes, and I knew. [/quote]
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Original Post
ocdbabe
Posted at 5:40 pm on Oct. 24, 2008
Sun high, thoughts low.
She'd never felt like this before.
The young lover was alone
even with a friend by her side.
She wished for rain to match her mood
and remembered the days when she prayed for light.
A friend by her side who spoke kind words
and reassured her she would be just fine.
A friend by her side who thought he knew
and assumed she spoke the truth.
Falling thoughts, rising sun.
She didn't care for serenity though.
All I had to do was look her in the eyes,
and I knew.
Replies
ocdbabe
Posted at 5:57 pm on Oct. 24, 2008
Quote: from
chaosdisown
at 5:54 pm on Oct. 24, 2008
i mean, the foundation is good, but it needs more structure, something that brings it to life.
I kind of threw it together.I like the general idea, but I know that it needs a bit more.
chaosdisown
Posted at 5:54 pm on Oct. 24, 2008
i mean, the foundation is good, but it needs more structure, something that brings it to life.
ocdbabe
Posted at 5:50 pm on Oct. 24, 2008
Thanks guys, yeah, I definitely am not good with the breaking of lines. Haha
chaosdisown
Posted at 5:45 pm on Oct. 24, 2008
nice use of words, but the lines seem kinda lost in organization...
dragon14
Posted at 5:44 pm on Oct. 24, 2008
awwwwwww cool i think that you could use more words that sound the same but its fine like that
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