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Music: Anything that has a story.
Mood: Plain
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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Adding Reply

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Topic New poem.
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Original Post
carracer Posted at 6:08 pm on Nov. 5, 2008
.

Sorry.

i don't leave my poetry on here for over a day,

Replies
Feminawesome Posted at 6:38 pm on Nov. 5, 2008
Quote: from carracer at 6:14 pm on Nov. 5, 2008

Quote: from Feminawesome at 6:12 pm on Nov. 5, 2008

It's all right, but a little too drifty and it doesn't seem to have a whole lot of unique meaning.

Would you mind elaborating?

It may be drifty, but a philosophical poem should be.

I'm not sure what you mean by unique meaning.



If you're trying to make it philosophical, that's not coming through right now. Seems more like a mood-based escapist poem. =)

As for unique meaning... poems need to have something juicy to dig into. The only meanings below the surface of this poem are, as far as I can see, pretty cliché. That's not to say it's not a good poem, because it is, but you could add to it a lot by experimenting more with original concepts.

cherrys77 Posted at 6:19 pm on Nov. 5, 2008
Organize it better,
otherwise not bad.
carracer Posted at 6:14 pm on Nov. 5, 2008
Quote: from Feminawesome at 6:12 pm on Nov. 5, 2008

It's all right, but a little too drifty and it doesn't seem to have a whole lot of unique meaning.

Would you mind elaborating?

It may be drifty, but a philosophical poem should be.

I'm not sure what you mean by unique meaning.

Feminawesome Posted at 6:12 pm on Nov. 5, 2008
It's all right, but a little too drifty and it doesn't seem to have a whole lot of unique meaning.
rawr41507 Posted at 6:11 pm on Nov. 5, 2008
i like itt =]
carracer Posted at 6:10 pm on Nov. 5, 2008
Quote: from Joke at 6:08 pm on Nov. 5, 2008

a little emo, and too deep for me, but good i think?

Emo?!?

How is that emo at all?

Kgarrett Posted at 6:10 pm on Nov. 5, 2008
A little emo but it is good
Joke Posted at 6:08 pm on Nov. 5, 2008
a little emo, and too deep for me, but good i think?
All 8 previous replies displayed.