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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Adding Reply

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Original Post
cherrys77 Posted at 10:34 am on Nov. 6, 2008
Which ending to use for this part of my writing.

It starts out:"I would have worried that something would happen between us, worried that i wouldn't be strong enough."

Then to finish it off should i use this ending:(1.) "Most of all i would be worried that i would have to go through all the stages of grief for what seemed to be the millionth time in the past three months"

Or should i go with this ending: (2.) "Most of all i would be worried that after the 'happy high' i would be in denial, then angry. I would bargain with myself after cooling down. Then I would fall into a numb depression. And when i was finally ready for acceptance he would show his face again. Maybe not directly, but it would be enough to make me have to start over. Travel through all the stages once again. Losing myself more and more each time. Every trip through lasting longer and longer each time. Eating me"

Replies
Editor in Chief Posted at 11:23 am on Nov. 6, 2008
Quote: from TBMP at 10:37 am on Nov. 6, 2008

with a little work, one. im a writer of all kinds, and no offense, but 2 is slightly redundant and a little overdone.

I agree. I'm a writer too, though I feel like an ass saying that haha. But yeah, I think one hits harder though maybe with a little expansion. 2 is nice, it just goes on a bit too long for my taste.

Autumnal Posted at 10:50 am on Nov. 6, 2008
I liked 2. the best.
cherrys77 Posted at 10:43 am on Nov. 6, 2008
Quote: from TBMP at 10:37 am on Nov. 6, 2008

with a little work, one. im a writer of all kinds, and no offense, but 2 is slightly redundant and a little overdone.

Yes i know it is. These are rough drafts

I was simply trying to figure out if less detail (1) hit hard, or if more detail (2) hit harder.

cherrys77 Posted at 10:41 am on Nov. 6, 2008
Quote: from SamanthaAngela at 10:36 am on Nov. 6, 2008

well the second one is more poetic but you kind of repeat yourself in it... the first one is nice but it seems to be lacking what the second one has... if that makes sense

It makes perfect sense.

Rachelw Posted at 10:39 am on Nov. 6, 2008
2
TBMP Posted at 10:37 am on Nov. 6, 2008
with a little work, one. im a writer of all kinds, and no offense, but 2 is slightly redundant and a little overdone.
Just Add Water Posted at 10:36 am on Nov. 6, 2008
well the second one is more poetic but you kind of repeat yourself in it... the first one is nice but it seems to be lacking what the second one has... if that makes sense
tinnainparis Posted at 10:35 am on Nov. 6, 2008
i love 2 its soo deep ♥♥♥
BabiiTempa Posted at 10:35 am on Nov. 6, 2008
2 is good good
EmmaJanex Posted at 10:35 am on Nov. 6, 2008
2 :)
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