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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Adding Reply

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Topic bad poem i just wrote
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Original Post
bananawhore Posted at 4:08 pm on Nov. 18, 2008
Life is like a vaccum
Sucks it all away
Opinions
Thoughts
Fun
Happiness
So you have to be
That thing that they call
Optimistic
Damn I hate that word
Being happy is overrated anyways
But sometimes
Its what you really need
Dwell on the things
That make you feel the way
You want to feel.
The things that life
Just couldn't take from you
So all you have to do
Toughen up
Muster up that courage
Look at the glass half full
Or at least a fourth of the way there
If the clichéd optimism
Is a bit too much for you to handle

And all your really doing
Is salvaging lost goods
All your really doing
Is digging through life's vaccume bag.

Replies
TKDgoneveggie Posted at 4:18 pm on Nov. 18, 2008
that felt a little less like a poem than a frank pessimistic statement
try to play with words a little more
poems are supposed to convey an experience and use that experience to get across your message
XsmilygirlX Posted at 4:10 pm on Nov. 18, 2008
It actually good.  It kinda how I feel.
Lihiro Posted at 4:09 pm on Nov. 18, 2008
Oh god that was bad you're right.
melanie2anne Posted at 4:09 pm on Nov. 18, 2008
its good but sad :(
All 4 previous replies displayed.