Quoting Post Archived Topic: It will not be bumped to the top of the forum. Topic Read and rate my poem? Membername   Not a member? Sign Up Free (takes 20 seconds) Password   Forgotten your password? Post Font: Verdana Arial Black Georgia Comic Sans Impact   Size: Tiny Normal Big Huge   Color: Default Dark Red Red Orange Brown Green Olive Cyan Blue Dark Blue Indigo Black [ Check Spelling ] [ Post Preview ] [ LiveTags ] Quote: from [m]iHaveAlargePenis[/m] at 7:13 pm on Jan. 1, 2009[quote]Not bad. 9/10[/quote] FAQ Keyword Search: Post Options Favorites Manager Notify me of new replies to this topic by email Notify me of new replies to this topic by private message Original Post Poeticpunker Posted at 7:12 pm on Jan. 1, 2009 Following Her Fingertips brush away stray hairs, arms are secure around her shoulders He watches her, like her own dearest angel While he sleeps on the other side of the world, his sleeping seconds belong to her He wants her to claim him, sending living hints in his waking words She puts to clues together but doubts their reality Frustrated sighs in the sun and under the clouds Their separate reasons are close to the same revelation They are each other, connected by unseen fibers stretching Threatening to snap them together He draws the curve of her smile in his mind, the shine in her eyes She tries to taste him around her, not quite failing nor quite succeeding Clueless wandering, orbiting around her Hysteria rising in his throat, he screams against her skin Cries into her neck, she only feels the memory of whispers Locking his eyes on her face, he steps back to reality Dreaming of when she'll join him there ____________________ Quick FYI...it has NOTHING to do with Twilight.

Replies nullPointerException Posted at 9:42 pm on Jan. 1, 2009 it's a good poem, I give it a 9/10, but I did not like it much. Just not my cup of tea. babecakes Posted at 7:21 pm on Jan. 1, 2009 very nice. J U S T Posted at 7:19 pm on Jan. 1, 2009 5/10 I'm guessing it's about a long-distance relationship. Some of the lines in this poem seemed unnecessary. I couldn't quite figure out what exactly what they were trying to convey. Line 6: Frustrated sighs in the sun and under the clouds Line 11: Clueless wandering, orbiting around her I'm not sure what these lines are supposed to mean. I think a little too much of the poem was stuck in metaphor, making it kind of hard to get a feeling for what is happening. coughcough Posted at 7:15 pm on Jan. 1, 2009 10/10 Poeticpunker Posted at 7:14 pm on Jan. 1, 2009 Quote: from bathroomdisaster at 10:13 pm on Jan. 1, 2009 THAT HARDLY RHYMES??????? I do free verse. Tattered And Torn Posted at 7:14 pm on Jan. 1, 2009 Quote: from bathroomdisaster at 3:13 am on Jan. 2, 2009 THAT HARDLY RHYMES??????? poems dont need to rhyme xNebulazx Posted at 7:14 pm on Jan. 1, 2009 pretty damn good if you ask me Miss Vanity Posted at 7:14 pm on Jan. 1, 2009 Cute 9/10 Jman19 Posted at 7:14 pm on Jan. 1, 2009 Pretty good. I liked it. bathroomdisaster Posted at 7:13 pm on Jan. 1, 2009 THAT HARDLY RHYMES??????? iHaveAlargePenis Posted at 7:13 pm on Jan. 1, 2009 Not bad. 9/10 Lihiro Posted at 7:13 pm on Jan. 1, 2009 I actually really quite like it. My poems are here if you feel like it: http://Lihiro.Deviantart.com All 12 previous replies displayed.