Quoting Post Archived Topic: It will not be bumped to the top of the forum. Topic I'm fucking up. Membername   Not a member? Sign Up Free (takes 20 seconds) Password   Forgotten your password? Post Font: Verdana Arial Black Georgia Comic Sans Impact   Size: Tiny Normal Big Huge   Color: Default Dark Red Red Orange Brown Green Olive Cyan Blue Dark Blue Indigo Black [ Check Spelling ] [ Post Preview ] [ LiveTags ] Quote: from [m]OverTheAir[/m] at 1:47 pm on Sep. 24, 2008[quote]I definetly agree with Fern and jayjay, and I'm sorry if it seems repeated or redundant but I just had to reply. I had to because you reminded me a lot of myself during my freshmen year at college. No I am not a single mother and no I don't own my own business, so you might see me as impossible to understand where you are coming from.. but I think a lot of my situations can compare to what you are going through. When I was in my first year of college I didn't control my own life. My mother and my ex boyfriend did. I'm not going to go into details but I wasn't living my life, other people were living it for me. It took me talking to people on here, and my new college friends to help me realize what was going on. I hope you realize that you are letting your mother take too much control of your life. It is your life and you should be living it to how you please. You're putting too much focus on making other people happy. I know you're a mother and you put your child first... that is what your mother should be doing with you. She should be putting you and your happiness first, but her mind seems to be clouded, probably with dollar signs. You've proven to yourself that you can do well in school, not just well, apparently amazing. You've also proven that you can run a successful business. You can do it, I just personally think you need help. If you're anything like me, you don't want help from others. You might be stubborn to accepting help but I don't think you can handle all of this by yourself. Swallow your pride, attend an AA meeting, just one.. see how it goes. Reach out for help among your other family/friends. I like the idea that Fern had of getting more employees if possible. You've already been successful in these aspects of your life, all you need to learn how to do is balance them. I have a feeling you know what you have to do, you just might have trouble applying yourself. I also wouldn't be afraid of your mother disowning you. I used to think my mother would do the same to me but it turned out in the end, after our "falling out" that she wanted nothing but the best for me. I just think they have a really hard time showing it, and they can let plenty of things cloud their mind like money, etc. I don't know if this helped but I hope it did. You remind me of myself, before my epiphany.. I just hope you can have yours soon.[/quote] FAQ Keyword Search: Post Options Favorites Manager Notify me of new replies to this topic by email Notify me of new replies to this topic by private message Original Post Anonymous Posted at 10:30 pm on Sep. 9, 2008 FYI:  This is really freaking long.  If you don't have the patience to read, please seek points elsewhere. I decided to start college and do something for me for once, and for a very brief period of time, I was the happiest I'd been in my life.  My grades were fantastic (I was top in my class for a minute), so I had something to be proud of.  I enjoyed my classes.  My family was proud.  It didn't last long. I started a new business.  When I started planning it (a good while before I started school), I figured I'd wait until I was a bit more stable before I launched.  My mother (who is also an employee) started pushing me to hurry up and launch, so I did.  What with going to school full time, being a single mother, and suddenly being the owner of a business, I had a lot of pressure and stress, but I figured it would be worth it in the end. Then my grades started dropping.  My mother had promised to help out with my daughter while I studied, yet she never felt like it.  I'd discussed hiring a nanny, but she flipped out, so ultimately, I decided against it to keep her off my back, and starting staying up all hours of the night for studying. My business requires me to spend a lot of time at bars and night clubs (partially for material, partially for networking).  That took away my weekends, and I started getting behind in school.  Not only that, but it started dragging me into a lifestyle I'd been trying to avoid for years.  I met a man who is lovely, but he's fallen even deeper into this life than I have.  He's bringing me down further, and I'm letting him. As it is now, I'll be lucky if I pass any of my classes this semester.  I'm mentally and physically exhausted.  I'm an alcoholic and an addict.  I'm not happy.  I've considered completely punking out like an emo kid and killing myself, but I figure that would really just set my failures in stone. My daughter isn't happy, and I really don't deserve to have her.  Though I'm careful to keep my lifestyle away from her, she knows I'm miserable, and that really affects her.  I also don't have a lot of time to spend with her anymore.  She misses me, but there's really nothing I can do about it.  I'm with her at every moment I can be, but there just aren't many moments nowadays.  I miss her, too. The only person that's happy is my mother.  She doesn't care about my education (she says the business is more important), and doesn't seem to be too concerned about my general well-being (or that of my daughter).  My business is successful (which is what she cares about), but everything else has turned to failure. I've toyed with the idea of selling my business, or just dissolving it, but I know my mother would probably disown me, and I'd be letting a lot of people down.  Basically everyone I know would hate me for it.  And then I'd no longer have an income. Part of me finds comfort in the life I've fallen into, but I know I'm killing myself, and it's only a matter of time before everything blows up in my face.  I can't keep going on this way, but I don't know what to do to fix everything.  Everything went wrong so fast.  I want to rewind.  I thought everything sucked before, but now I'd give anything to go back. If you get where I'm coming from, I could seriously use some sort of advice.  Anything really.

Replies OverTheAir Posted at 1:47 pm on Sep. 24, 2008 I definetly agree with Fern and jayjay, and I'm sorry if it seems repeated or redundant but I just had to reply. I had to because you reminded me a lot of myself during my freshmen year at college. No I am not a single mother and no I don't own my own business, so you might see me as impossible to understand where you are coming from.. but I think a lot of my situations can compare to what you are going through. When I was in my first year of college I didn't control my own life. My mother and my ex boyfriend did. I'm not going to go into details but I wasn't living my life, other people were living it for me. It took me talking to people on here, and my new college friends to help me realize what was going on. I hope you realize that you are letting your mother take too much control of your life. It is your life and you should be living it to how you please. You're putting too much focus on making other people happy. I know you're a mother and you put your child first... that is what your mother should be doing with you. She should be putting you and your happiness first, but her mind seems to be clouded, probably with dollar signs. You've proven to yourself that you can do well in school, not just well, apparently amazing. You've also proven that you can run a successful business. You can do it, I just personally think you need help. If you're anything like me, you don't want help from others. You might be stubborn to accepting help but I don't think you can handle all of this by yourself. Swallow your pride, attend an AA meeting, just one.. see how it goes. Reach out for help among your other family/friends. I like the idea that Fern had of getting more employees if possible. You've already been successful in these aspects of your life, all you need to learn how to do is balance them. I have a feeling you know what you have to do, you just might have trouble applying yourself. I also wouldn't be afraid of your mother disowning you. I used to think my mother would do the same to me but it turned out in the end, after our "falling out" that she wanted nothing but the best for me. I just think they have a really hard time showing it, and they can let plenty of things cloud their mind like money, etc. I don't know if this helped but I hope it did. You remind me of myself, before my epiphany.. I just hope you can have yours soon. jayjay36 Posted at 3:15 pm on Sep. 22, 2008 I'm sorry that I really don't have a lot of advice to give you, but I felt like telling you that you aren't alone. I've recently flunked out of university, because I was putting certain things first that in all actuality had very little to do with my well being. I had to choose what was most important for me. Right now I'm just picking up the pieces, but I figure that's a start. :) <br> My only advice: <br> You should decide what is most important to you. If it's your daughter, or your schooling, or your business, or your mother...you should make a decision. It seems like they are all pulling you in different directions.  <br> Don't give up on yourself! If you've been able to survive all that up until this point, you can survive whatever else happens in the future. I commend you for being so strong! <br> And Fern is right, things will get better. You just have to take charge. :) You are the only person who has a right to make decisions about your life. NO ONE ELSE! <br> Good luck! Periwinkle Posted at 1:11 pm on Sep. 12, 2008 I only just saw this topic and couldn't bear to let it go unanswered, even though I don't have much to offer in the way of advice. Just for the record, I found this thread from your profile (anonymous threads show up for mods) so I know who you are, though I promise I wasn't intentionally looking for anonymous topics - I go out of my way to avoid them. It's obvious from your post that you can make things go the way you want them to. This semester, things might not be so great, but in the past, you've obviously managed to make it work. Obviously situations have changed and life has moved on, but you did it then and you can do it again now. Hold on to that fact, because it's true. Your whole post makes it sound like you're being controlled a lot by your mother: she was the one wanting you to launch in a hurry, she didn't want you to get a nanny, she doesn't want you to get an education, she doesn't want to help you care for your daughter. Everyone wants the approval of their family, but before that has to come your own approval: at the end of the day, it's your life and your decision. Mothers don't always know best, so while you should continue to value her opinion, maybe you should think about trying to go against the grain. It'll be hard, but I think it would be worth it. Is there any way you could try to take some of the pressure off yourself? Do you have any friends looking for work who might be able to help you out with your business? I don't know how successful you are or how much you'd be able to pay them, but I'm sure that even a temporary help would be better than no help at all, and to someone with no income, any income is an improvement on their situation, however small. Just because your college grades have dropped doesn't mean that you can't get them up again. Just because life right now isn't the best it could be doesn't mean you can't make it better. It sounds as if you're letting other people live your life for you and they're taking up all your time: your mother is trying to run things for you, this man is bringing you down, your daughter is (completely unintentionally, of course) making you feel guilty...but where are you in all this? Perhaps you could try and think about what you want, then try and square that with everyone else's opinions afterwards. Look after number one! I know I can't offer you a lot, but I hope you'll accept some consolation - things will get better, I'm sure. -Fern loner asian Posted at 10:31 pm on Sep. 9, 2008 hell yeah. your effort is not appreciated. All 4 previous replies displayed.