I am a big hokie fan. I write 'Hokie" and"UVA sucks" on my pencils, and my binder is covered in VT logos and hokies.
Anyways, if you are a VT, you'll like these, if not, replace the name of your favorite college and it's rival.
Do you know why the UVA football team should change its name to the "Possums"?
- Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
Why doesn't UVA have ice on the sidelines?
- The guy with the recipe graduated.
What do you get when you drive slowly by the UVA campus?
- A degree.
How do you get a UVA graduate off your porch?
- Pay him for the pizza.
Why is it that the UVA football team doesn't have a web site?
- They can't string three "Ws" together.
Did you hear that a UVA player was almost killed in a tragic horseback-riding accident?
- He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death.
Thank God the manager of the K-Mart came out and unplugged it.
What are the best four years of a UVA student's life?
Johnny says to his mom: I want to be a Wahoo when I grow up.
- Mom: But Johnny, you can't do both.
A Virginia Tech student and a UVA student are both using the men's room. When they finish their business, the Virginia Tech student heads for the door, while the UVA student heads for the sink.
The Wahoo calls to the Virginia Tech student, "At UVA, they teach us to wash our hands after using the bathroom."
The Virginia Tech student replies, "At Virginia Tech, they teach us not to pee on our hands."
I heard that George Welsh was only dressing twenty-two players against Virginia Tech.
- He said the rest could dress themselves!
How many Wahoos does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- One, but he gets 3 credit hours.
What is the difference between a Wahoo and Rice Crispies?
- Rice Crispies know what to do in a bowl.
Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco Chase?
- On the UVA campus. That's the last place you'd find a football player.
Why don't Wahoos let their kids play in sand boxes?
- Because the cats keep covering them up.
A Wahoo walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?"
- The frog replies, 'I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt.'
Why do Wahoos keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
- So they can park in handicap spaces.
What is orange, blue, 100 yards wide, and has 2 teeth?
- The front row at Scott stadium
What do you call a good looking girl on the UVA campus?
- A visitor.
What did the UVA graduate say to the VT graduate upon meeting?
- Hi! Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order please?
What do you call 144 Wahoos?
- Gross ignorance.
Did you hear about the power outage at the UVA library?
- Forty Wahoos were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Did you hear about the fire in UVA's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
- The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
Why did Dean Smith go to Charlottesville?
- He wanted to get away from basketball.
Did you hear the Rolling Stones are playing at UVA's Scott stadium?
- Yeah, They're 10-point favorites.
Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the UVA campus?
- The officials had to check ID's before letting anyone back on board.
What do a UVA student and a Virginia Tech student have in common?
- They both got accepted to UVA.
What does the average UVA student get on his SAT?
What do you get when you breed a groundhog and a Wahoo?
- Six more weeks of bad football.
Virginia Tech is playing at UVA, which has a first down with three minutes left in the half. A UVA fan sets off a firecracker, and Virginia Tech, thinking it's the end of the half, runs off the field.
- Three plays later,UVA punts.
What should you do if you find three Wahoos buried up to their necks in cement?
- Get more cement!
How do you make Wahoo cookies?
- Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours!
What do UVA grads and tornadoes have in common?
- They both move around a lot, but they all wind up in trailer parks.
Why did UVA rise in the rankings this past week?
- Because the sportswriters and coaches considered 'BYE' as tougher than any other opponent UVA has played so far this season.
How many UVA freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?
- None, it's a sophomore course
What's the difference between a Cavalier and a carp?
- One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
George Welsh, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a faded UVA flag in the window. "This house is yours for eternity, George," said God. "This is very special - not everyone gets a house up here."
George felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a 3-story mansion with a Burgundy and Orange sidewalk, 50 foot tall flagpole with an enormous Virginia Tech logo flag, and in every window, VT curtains.
George looked at God and said, "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was a darn good coach, I won several bowl games, and I even went to the College Football Hall of Fame."
God said, "So what do you want to know, George?"
"Well, why does Frank Beamer get a better house than me?"
God chuckled and said, "George, that's not Frank Beamer's house......
Dopey Scissors University:
Enough for now.