Quoting Post Archived Topic: It will not be bumped to the top of the forum. Topic 'm 5'3i just don't know what to fucking do anymore Membername   Not a member? Sign Up Free (takes 20 seconds) Password   Forgotten your password? Post Font: Verdana Arial Black Georgia Comic Sans Impact   Size: Tiny Normal Big Huge   Color: Default Dark Red Red Orange Brown Green Olive Cyan Blue Dark Blue Indigo Black [ Check Spelling ] [ Post Preview ] [ LiveTags ] Quote: from [m]lovestruck13[/m] at 1:10 pm on June 30, 2008[quote]my mom raised me to love food, love butter, love salt and fat and grease. i didn't care as a kid, but now i can't stand the way i look. i'm 5'3 and i weigh 155 pounds. i used to use food to cope with my emotions, but when i stopped doing that, i started cutting. now, it's both. it's turned into a vicious cycle. i eat. i feel bad. i try to purge, but no matter how many times i shove my finger down my throat nothing comes up, and i feel so helpless and self-hating that i cut myself. yesterday i slammed my fist into the mirror after cutting and bruised my hand. i had a nervous breakdown and stomped around the house screaming "i hate myself!" it's turned into even more than just being fat, these past four or five months. i look at myself and i just see flaw after flaw, everywhere i look. my head's too small, my eyes are different shapes... i avoid going out in public, and when i do i hide under hair, hats and makeup. my friends just tell my i'm pretty and leave it at that. i don't believe them. one of my best friends is anorexic, and everytime i talk to her about it i feel like a hypocritical bitch. i just don't know what to do anymore. it's like nobody cares. i want to hide myself forever. i think the only reason i have any friends is because they feel sorry for me.[/quote] FAQ Keyword Search: Post Options Favorites Manager Notify me of new replies to this topic by email Notify me of new replies to this topic by private message Original Post lovestruck13 Posted at 1:10 pm on June 30, 2008 my mom raised me to love food, love butter, love salt and fat and grease. i didn't care as a kid, but now i can't stand the way i look. i'm 5'3 and i weigh 155 pounds. i used to use food to cope with my emotions, but when i stopped doing that, i started cutting. now, it's both. it's turned into a vicious cycle. i eat. i feel bad. i try to purge, but no matter how many times i shove my finger down my throat nothing comes up, and i feel so helpless and self-hating that i cut myself. yesterday i slammed my fist into the mirror after cutting and bruised my hand. i had a nervous breakdown and stomped around the house screaming "i hate myself!" it's turned into even more than just being fat, these past four or five months. i look at myself and i just see flaw after flaw, everywhere i look. my head's too small, my eyes are different shapes... i avoid going out in public, and when i do i hide under hair, hats and makeup. my friends just tell my i'm pretty and leave it at that. i don't believe them. one of my best friends is anorexic, and everytime i talk to her about it i feel like a hypocritical bitch. i just don't know what to do anymore. it's like nobody cares. i want to hide myself forever. i think the only reason i have any friends is because they feel sorry for me.

Replies lucyhead Posted at 9:58 pm on June 30, 2008 Quote: from lovestruck13 at 1:10 pm on June 30, 2008 my mom raised me to love food, love butter, love salt and fat and grease. i didn't care as a kid, but now i can't stand the way i look. i'm 5'3 and i weigh 155 pounds. i used to use food to cope with my emotions, but when i stopped doing that, i started cutting. now, it's both.   it's turned into a vicious cycle. i eat. i feel bad. i try to purge, but no matter how many times i shove my finger down my throat nothing comes up, and i feel so helpless and self-hating that i cut myself. yesterday i slammed my fist into the mirror after cutting and bruised my hand. i had a nervous breakdown and stomped around the house screaming "i hate myself!" it's turned into even more than just being fat, these past four or five months. i look at myself and i just see flaw after flaw, everywhere i look. my head's too small, my eyes are different shapes... i avoid going out in public, and when i do i hide under hair, hats and makeup. my friends just tell my i'm pretty and leave it at that. i don't believe them. one of my best friends is anorexic, and everytime i talk to her about it i feel like a hypocritical bitch. i just don't know what to do anymore. it's like nobody cares. i want to hide myself forever. i think the only reason i have any friends is because they feel sorry for me. First I'd like to say 5'3 and 155 pounds is not fat. It may not be stick thin, but it is certainly not fat. There are MILLIONS of people way way way bigger than that. Second. I know how you feel. I have had eating problems my whole life and my parents never tried to even control my eating as a kid and stop me from getting fatter.  I am actually going to be going on an antidepressant soon and I pray it does nothing but good things for me. I am 20 years old now and still struggling. I would give the advice to help yourself mentally. Whether it be medication, self help books for depression/eating disorders, therapy etc. Because it took me YEARS to learn that no matter how many diets I went on, no matter how many times I tried to eat healthy....it is NOT going to work if you have an eating problem. Because the eating problem is in your head, not in your body. So in order to lose weight, and control your eating, you HAVE to help yourself mentally. If you're not ready to see a doctor go look up self help techniques and natural medications to take. kryptkeeper51 Posted at 4:51 pm on June 30, 2008 judging from your pic you don't look fat. lovestruck13 Posted at 1:30 pm on June 30, 2008 i'm getting tons of exercise now because of summer gym. and last week i gained 2 pounds. i don't just watch tv all the time. i'm not just a lazy pig who sits in front of the tv eating pringles all day! i'm TRYING but it doesn't WORK! i'm so sick and tired of people telling me "exercise, eat right" and think it's so fucking simple! it's NOT!!! ooot4y10r Posted at 1:28 pm on June 30, 2008 Quote: from lovestruck13 at 1:15 pm on June 30, 2008 it's not that simple! i try to exercise. eating healthy isn't as easy as it seems. my house is full of junk food and my parents and friends just don't get it. i'm surrounded by bad foods. i know it's hard but it sounds like you really want it. get motivated and just start doing something about it. tell your mom that you're tired of all the junk food in the house and that you want to buy some healthy stuff. grapes & apples are delicious low calorie snacks. katjassidekick Posted at 1:25 pm on June 30, 2008 You know what you should do? Really stop putting yourselves and complain. Go out to the grocery stores and buy some healthy food. Instead of sitting down and hogging the T.V./computer, take a walk or jog. peaceandlovebby Posted at 1:22 pm on June 30, 2008 you look fine to me. exercise. go outside. eat healthy foods. they taste good too. try the vegetarian foods. like boca burgers, or stuff from mornging star. those are healthy and they taste REALLY good. LiveLoveLo Posted at 1:21 pm on June 30, 2008 you look great...not even slightly overweight... and i know how it feels my parents brought me up on crap food too...but use ur anger for better purposes...go to a rec centre or a gym and sign up for boxing or kickboxying...those punching bags are a lot softer and better to hit than ur mirror! EAgames Posted at 1:21 pm on June 30, 2008 hmm well i looked at your pics and u are very pretty. END OF Fortis Obscurum Posted at 1:16 pm on June 30, 2008 Are you insane?  Your look pretty beautiful to me. lovestruck13 Posted at 1:15 pm on June 30, 2008 it's not that simple! i try to exercise. eating healthy isn't as easy as it seems. my house is full of junk food and my parents and friends just don't get it. i'm surrounded by bad foods. ooot4y10r Posted at 1:14 pm on June 30, 2008 that can't be the only reason you have friends. it sounds like no one feels sorry for you but yourself, and you WANT more people to feel sorry for you. it's okay that you grew up eating a lot of junky food, which may be your moms fault, but now you are the person stuck fixing it. cutting yourself may help you with your anger, but it's not going to make you any skinnier or prettier. it's in your hands and if you want to change your weight, then you need to get motivated and start working out. making yourself throw up is not fun. it's gross and it just hurts your body. start working out & start eating healthy. Kysha Posted at 1:14 pm on June 30, 2008 mail me if you wanna talk, its ok to feel bad somtimes, you'll get through it *sends hugs* colormyworld Posted at 1:13 pm on June 30, 2008 If you're that mad at yourself then do something about it. Go for a walk or run and try eating healthier foods that still taste good. CaliKevin Posted at 1:12 pm on June 30, 2008 You look fine to me. All 14 previous replies displayed.