And also feeling weak,tired, sleepy but couldnt sleep,sore from lying down on my sides.Always cold.fatigue, illness.

The thing is now Im trying to lose weight again and Im about 17 pounds then i was when i was 98. Im going threw it all again. Im tired,weak,fatigue.Im excersing alot to get rid of the calories i eat, Im cutting out everything again.Im getting depressed over it.I find myself cutting up my food really tiny again, and excessive chewing, rearranging food on a plate.And thing is Im going away for about a month and half, Im sure if I keep this up I'll lose alot more. I dont know what do too.And Im trying to hide it from family and friends.In the past i went to the doctor twice over this e.d. and was told I would be put in the hospital.But i talked my way out. The other day a family member had said to an anmial of ours that it looks like it was getting fat our cat and then said now dont go all anorexia on us, you look good. And to me it sounded like she was talking to me but she was not. She even had said she thought i had an eating disorder.
I now there some people who never really get over it, it comes and goes. I feel like one of those people. I feel like i need to go to an outpatient thing, but in a way i dont want to, everyone will find out. I think this eating disorder runs in my family two people i now had it. I didnt know of until now. I had it in high school bad and then got it bad again in college, now Im on break, Im begining to get it again. Some close family members of mine i think are seeing me going threw it again.