Quoting Post Archived Topic: It will not be bumped to the top of the forum. Topic We turn skeletons into goddesses Membername   Not a member? Sign Up Free (takes 20 seconds) Password   Forgotten your password? Post Font: Verdana Arial Black Georgia Comic Sans Impact   Size: Tiny Normal Big Huge   Color: Default Dark Red Red Orange Brown Green Olive Cyan Blue Dark Blue Indigo Black [ Check Spelling ] [ Post Preview ] [ LiveTags ] Quote: from [m]pinkrazrscocaine[/m] at 5:11 pm on Jan. 11, 2009[quote]i was an anorexic starting around age 12, and was clinically diagnosed when i was 15. I am 19 now.. I've just recently [sort of] completed recovery about 7 months ago where my weight shot up almost 50 lbs to get me to a moderately healthy weight. [Obviously] I hate the way i am; the way i look. But i feel a relapse coming on, because i have been eating less and less [as well as starting my old over-exercising routine back up.] every day since December. Today i have had 30 calories. I have yet to start throwing up again, but i know it will happen soon. I cant say im mad, sad, remorseful or any other related emotions, because i am sort of [i]happy[/i] about it. I know im fucked up. I know i have problems. You dont have to tell me that... Personally, i dont even know why im writing this. I guess i just need it up here, because i need people to know. Although im sure, in a few days, you'll all forget about me and this post, i still need people to know. Knowing me, something will go wrong. That, and only that, is why this is not anon.[/quote] FAQ Keyword Search: Post Options Favorites Manager Notify me of new replies to this topic by email Notify me of new replies to this topic by private message Original Post pinkrazrscocaine Posted at 5:11 pm on Jan. 11, 2009 i was an anorexic starting around age 12, and was clinically diagnosed when i was 15. I am 19 now.. I've just recently [sort of] completed recovery about 7 months ago where my weight shot up almost 50 lbs to get me to a moderately healthy weight. [Obviously] I hate the way i am; the way i look. But i feel a relapse coming on, because i have been eating less and less [as well as starting my old over-exercising routine back up.] every day since December. Today i have had 30 calories. I have yet to start throwing up again, but i know it will happen soon. I cant say im mad, sad, remorseful or any other related emotions, because i am sort of happy about it. I know im fucked up. I know i have problems. You dont have to tell me that... Personally, i dont even know why im writing this. I guess i just need it up here, because i need people to know. Although im sure, in a few days, you'll all forget about me and this post, i still need people to know. Knowing me, something will go wrong. That, and only that, is why this is not anon.

Replies fuckfuckbangbang Posted at 5:58 pm on Jan. 18, 2009 You're not fucked up. You would be fucked up if you were doing this and not wanting to. Good for you for having strong will power and going for what you want.   shadowcry Posted at 11:06 am on Jan. 12, 2009 You need to understand that recovery isn't just about putting on weight. It's being able to live life again, to do what you want to and to feel content with yourself for who you are. I'm talking from personal experience here and I know that you cannot get better without determination to recover. It is the hardest road in the world, where it seems like the whole world is against you, but when you get that glimpse of recovery, dam it feels so good. You need to think about what you need in your life. Right now it might seem like anorexia is your only option, but you really have so many opportunities in life if you can learn to put it behind you. Maybe anorexia makes you feel happy in an odd sense at the moment, but that is because you probably haven't felt true happiness for many years. You need to learn to be happy from other means and i'm by no means saying its going to be easy but it is definitely worth it. Do you ever dream of a day when you can eat what you like and not worry about calories or exercise? I did for many years, and I am astonished by the fact that I now pay very little regard to food and live a totally normal teenage life now. It is possible. Doctors told me i would never get better, but i proved them wrong and so can you. Try not to be tempted into your old ways and remind yourself of how good life will be after anorexia. Set yourself small goals in reducing your exercise and increasing your food consumption which is manageable for you and maintainable. Get help from others and talk about your problems, perhaps write a diary. Well i hope this helps and remember things will get better if you are willing to give it a go. Taurian Posted at 10:53 am on Jan. 12, 2009 You need to get help asap, okay? You're not a lost cause, you just need the support that's required for you to escape this mental block. DopeSickGirl Posted at 9:34 pm on Jan. 11, 2009 i feel for you :) food is the enemy. i constantly see myself bigger than i actually am. even though everyone insists that im too skinny, i never feel like its enough. i guess i just like the thought that my weight is something i can control, and being worried about that keeps me occupied from worrying about things that actually matter. pinkrazrscocaine Posted at 5:20 pm on Jan. 11, 2009 Quote: from Chernobyl at 5:14 pm on Jan. 11, 2009 Well thats not good. Why don't you want to eat? I've always wondered what compelled some people to do that. Well if you really must know, it differs. In my case however, it was my Obsessive compulsive tendencies. I had to have control of everything in my life, including the way i looked. Plus it didnt help that my first "boyfriend" told me i had gained weight and looked bad and then broke up with me for that reason, when i was only 13. There is your answer. Silly reasons make people do what they do, but that doesn't mean that those people dont believe those reason are justifiable. return2me Posted at 5:17 pm on Jan. 11, 2009 I wish you luck. Try praying about it. KKKay Posted at 5:15 pm on Jan. 11, 2009 Quote: from Chernobyl at 5:14 pm on Jan. 11, 2009 Well thats not good. Why don't you want to eat? I've always wondered what compelled some people to do that. Because she doesn't want to gain weight maybe?! Chernobyl Posted at 5:14 pm on Jan. 11, 2009 Well thats not good. Why don't you want to eat? I've always wondered what compelled some people to do that. cozysoxx Posted at 5:14 pm on Jan. 11, 2009 Oh actually i envy you. I starved myself for a week but then i missed food. I didnt really gain any weight i lost some but meh, oh well. I wish i was anorexic. THe only thing stopping me is the thought of after anorexia theres probably obesity. Or unhappiness at least Nikolette Posted at 5:13 pm on Jan. 11, 2009 yeh ur fucked up but aren't we all Stand Up Posted at 5:13 pm on Jan. 11, 2009 I like my women with curves, plus size is healthy. My favorite model is a plus size model. :) Joke Posted at 5:12 pm on Jan. 11, 2009 im glad you made a comeback. go you, All 12 previous replies displayed.