Quoting Post Archived Topic: It will not be bumped to the top of the forum. Topic So my girlfriend got taken advantage of at a party Membername   Not a member? Sign Up Free (takes 20 seconds) Password   Forgotten your password? Post Font: Verdana Arial Black Georgia Comic Sans Impact   Size: Tiny Normal Big Huge   Color: Default Dark Red Red Orange Brown Green Olive Cyan Blue Dark Blue Indigo Black [ Check Spelling ] [ Post Preview ] [ LiveTags ] Quote: from [m]its only me[/m] at 4:48 am on Jan. 3, 2009[quote]It's always a difficult scenario to feel you cant help someone because they're so far away. It hurts to sit back and watch the people you care about go down hill. Its not wrong to feel like that either. If maybe you told your girlfriend your opinion on her irresponsible friends that would help her to understand a little how this makes you feel. Is there no way you can go check she's ok? If you can't then you just have to make a desicion.. do you send her in a 'downward spiral' or do you stand by her because you love her knowing the bad times will make your relationship stronger? good luck :)[/quote] FAQ Keyword Search: Post Options Favorites Manager Notify me of new replies to this topic by email Notify me of new replies to this topic by private message Original Post TinyHere Posted at 4:40 am on Jan. 3, 2009 I feel terrible that I wasn't around to stop it, but to give a bit of background, we're currently in a long distance relationship. Even though I continually told her not to get too heavy into anything, she had gotten drunk and high during a new year's eve party. When she looked for refuge from the party, she ended up hiding in some random room in the house. When she had fallen half asleep, someone approached her, defenseless, and fingered her for about a minute before stopping him. I asked her if she made any attempts to stop his advances when he first started, and she replied that she didn't until after he had gotten his hands in her pants. Is it wrong for me to be more angry than sympathetic at her in this situation? I had always thought her friends back "home" were deadbeats and druggies that wouldn't help her whenever something happened and they were too fucked out of their minds to do anything. Initially, I was bewildered and berated her and her choice in friends. I ran around the discussion of leaving her (we were over the phone) for minutes on end as I heard her cry. When I regained some sort of composure, I told her to stop getting high/drunk and going to random parties with them, or else I would just leave her outright. The problem is, I'm probably the only thing right going on in her life, and if I do leave her, she'll only continue her own downward spiral. I was working on bringing her over to live with me once I found my own apartment on the local university's campus. The whole time she's been away, I've been worried that she'd end up doing these things to herself. Now that I know it's happened once, I'm not sure if it's even worth defending someone that doesn't try to stop setting themselves up for situations like this. The only thing I applaud her for was her honesty. She continually told me she wanted to hold this back because she knew I would just get frustrated by it - but she didn't because she feels as if she could never hide anything from me.

Replies lucky015 Posted at 11:06 am on Jan. 3, 2009 Quote: from chuckibladez at 2:43 am on Jan. 4, 2009 Quote: from Tubbz at 1:00 pm on Jan. 3, 2009 Lol gutted is all I can say. She needs to learn not to drink that much. Jesus christ is the only facade you can pull off that of a complete dick? Well, In the end surrounding yourself with people who only want to drink and get stoned with you, You will end up in a situation where something like this is likely to happen and the "friends" have lost interest in you because you cant drink or get high any more... Girls get themselves into these situations, And although im not defending the guys that do things like that... You have to realise that the reason she is "defenceless" at the time is due to her own free will, I dont have anything against drinkers and i do drink on occasion myself, But drinking should NEVER be used as a defence for anything... lucky015 Posted at 11:01 am on Jan. 3, 2009 I know how your feeling all too well, Although i dont know of anything happening yet, I can see its only a matter of time before me and my gf are in a similar situation... So far from what i have seen its the friends that cause this "Need" to go out and get drunk and high, I imagine your gf feels that the only way she can keep her friends is to go out drinking and getting high with them, and if she is the same sort of person as my gf then i imagine that having friends probably means a LOT to her, There is nothing you can really do to stop her fron doing what she is doing short of cutting off all contact with these "friends" of hers and anything you do will make you look like a bad guy anyway... If you can try and get her to move to be with you then that could be the best thing for her, But the chances of getting her to leave her friends and life style are next to none, Good luck, You'll need it... chuckibladez Posted at 5:43 am on Jan. 3, 2009 Quote: from Tubbz at 1:00 pm on Jan. 3, 2009 Lol gutted is all I can say. She needs to learn not to drink that much. Jesus christ is the only facade you can pull off that of a complete dick? Tubbz Posted at 5:00 am on Jan. 3, 2009 Lol gutted is all I can say. She needs to learn not to drink that much. uprize Posted at 4:58 am on Jan. 3, 2009 Quote: from maceyface at 4:44 am on Jan. 3, 2009 dude. i'm going to be very frank with you. being drunk, high and half-asleep doesn't make you unaware of what you're doing. you always have the power to say no. i am unsympathetic. this post backs up my previous post. She sounds like she is making an excuse. Its your call, but I wouldn't stand for it. uprize Posted at 4:56 am on Jan. 3, 2009 She says she was taken advantage of, but have you heard the full story? And she said she stopped it after a minute of being fingered... Dude im sorry, but it sounds like she hooked up with some guy while fucked up and is trying to find an excuse. And if she is into partying hard, then chances are she will do it again. I would bite the bullet and break up with her. Cheating is a big no-no and high or not, there is no reason to do it. Her stotry may be true and maybe she was taken advantage of, but i would have my doubts if I were you and the question is, can you trust her in the future? hi sarah Posted at 4:54 am on Jan. 3, 2009 I'm sorry but unless she was at the point of being blindly drunk and physically unable to move there may be a little more to that story. chuckibladez Posted at 4:51 am on Jan. 3, 2009 Quote: from tait at 12:41 pm on Jan. 3, 2009 Dude, Go kick the guys ass. This. And how wasted was she? Becuase often it takes a lot more than booze and weed to take away your right state of mind. I'm not being nasty or anything, I am just being inquisitive. its only me Posted at 4:48 am on Jan. 3, 2009 It's always a difficult scenario to feel you cant help someone because they're so far away. It hurts to sit back and watch the people you care about go down hill. Its not wrong to feel like that either. If maybe you told your girlfriend your opinion on her irresponsible friends that would help her to understand a little how this makes you feel. Is there no way you can go check she's ok? If you can't then you just have to make a desicion.. do you send her in a 'downward spiral' or do you stand by her because you love her knowing the bad times will make your relationship stronger? good luck :) maceyface Posted at 4:44 am on Jan. 3, 2009 dude. i'm going to be very frank with you. being drunk, high and half-asleep doesn't make you unaware of what you're doing. you always have the power to say no. i am unsympathetic. blufindr Posted at 4:41 am on Jan. 3, 2009 So you do have a girlfriend? Give her an ultimatum. tait Posted at 4:41 am on Jan. 3, 2009 Dude, Go kick the guys ass. All 12 previous replies displayed.