she was in a meaningful relationship with another guy before and jumped to this friend and did stuff while on winter vacation with him. they've exchanged cassettes and stuff with each other but nothing worked out. he later drove hundreds of miles to see her for her bday around the time were getting together, and he bought her a bicycle. he realized i was having a thing with her so he'd get drunk and start being overly friendly with her dorm hallmates. he then came over with us to my friends' and stole their beer and drinks and was being disrespectful. anyways, this all came to a huge drama and they weren't friends for a while.
after they kind of became okay, he still eyed me out once. then they became friends again and he had a gf and we even went out to eat together and he was cool to me, but i didn't think cool to a point where he was saying sorry bout all that happened. i caught her texting him something like "you can call me, im free anytime, no im not sick of your voice =)" or something when he and his gf broke up and they'd talk about it. she saw him a little lastnight in a group and is going to two places with him and friends tomorrow.
i told her i have a problem with that and she'd have one too if we switched places, but she thought i was being ridiculous and was putting a guilt trip on me, and said she was going no matter what i thought of it. i asked her then is she choosing him over me and she said yup she's not choosing me. i don't know what to do or what to think about this?
please help. thanks.
Quote: from CaliKevin at 10:29 am on July 27, 2008 Quote: from yo wassup at 10:29 am on July 27, 2008 bring your skinny wigger ass spencer do you have audio to accompany that?
Quote: from yo wassup at 10:29 am on July 27, 2008 bring your skinny wigger ass spencer
bring your skinny wigger ass spencer
do you have audio to accompany that?
now after she comes back... you have to take an interest in this guy, ask her how he is doing, if hes depressed, if they are going to get back together (you said this guy just suffered a break up) and be genuinely interested do not ask were she went, what she did etc. because it will look like you are prying offer some suggestions on what she can tell him to make him feel better, now again it seems like this is exactly what you shouldnt do but hear me out by doing what i just said you have made this guys problem a group assignment because you got involved, its no longer between her and him, but remember you really want to help this guy cause if he gets together with his ex hes not chasing your girl so offer suggestions and get involved, now you can tell if something is going on if when you try to ask her questions she seems distant and wont purposefully look you in the eyes, this could mean that something awkward happened or something, you have to confront her about it in a easy going calm manner, just ask "are you alright you seem a bit tense", she may say, "im fine im just tired or something along those lines" so just let her be but let her know that she can tell you anything and that you'll understand, before long she will learn to tell you alot more than even maybe you'd want the key is to be understanding, never lose your temper and when you feel like you might or when your in an argument with her or mad at her, stop and think "how must she be feeling right now, why did she do these things" you have to look at the situation from her point of view and sympathize with her this is pretty difficult to do since everyone just wants to get angry at everyone else, it takes a certain level of maturity, but the more you practice and apply it the more mature you will come also the understanding and trust in your relationship will skyrocket but you have to apply a lot, just doing it once is just a temporary fix anyways the last thing i suggest you do is become friend with this guy and try to help him with his situation, even if he seems distant from you in this way you will look like the good guy all the time, and this other guy might even realize that you are actually better for her then he is which is what happened to me, i had this love for like 4 years but she had a bf so i never made a move, i always thought he was a bad guy and that he was stupid and weird, but i met them at a party and i started talking to her bf and i actually liked the guy, he was pretty cool, so i decided that he was better with her and it really helped me get over her. well anyways good luck and tell me what happens if you decide to try my method out
you have to take an interest in this guy, ask her how he is doing, if hes depressed, if they are going to get back together (you said this guy just suffered a break up) and be genuinely interested
do not ask were she went, what she did etc. because it will look like you are prying
offer some suggestions on what she can tell him to make him feel better,
now again it seems like this is exactly what you shouldnt do but hear me out
by doing what i just said you have made this guys problem a group assignment because you got involved, its no longer between her and him, but remember you really want to help this guy cause if he gets together with his ex hes not chasing your girl
so offer suggestions and get involved, now you can tell if something is going on if when you try to ask her questions she seems distant and wont purposefully look you in the eyes, this could mean that something awkward happened or something, you have to confront her about it in a easy going calm manner,
just ask "are you alright you seem a bit tense", she may say, "im fine im just tired or something along those lines"
so just let her be but let her know that she can tell you anything and that you'll understand, before long she will learn to tell you alot more than even maybe you'd want
the key is to be understanding, never lose your temper and when you feel like you might or when your in an argument with her or mad at her, stop and think "how must she be feeling right now, why did she do these things"
you have to look at the situation from her point of view and sympathize with her
this is pretty difficult to do since everyone just wants to get angry at everyone else, it takes a certain level of maturity, but the more you practice and apply it the more mature you will come
also the understanding and trust in your relationship will skyrocket
but you have to apply a lot, just doing it once is just a temporary fix
anyways the last thing i suggest you do is become friend with this guy and try to help him with his situation, even if he seems distant from you
in this way you will look like the good guy all the time, and this other guy might even realize that you are actually better for her then he is
which is what happened to me, i had this love for like 4 years but she had a bf so i never made a move, i always thought he was a bad guy and that he was stupid and weird,
but i met them at a party and i started talking to her bf and i actually liked the guy, he was pretty cool, so i decided that he was better with her and it really helped me get over her.
well anyways good luck
and tell me what happens if you decide to try my method out
wow you're like seriously a specialist or something. thanks for the help.
i am filled in on how the guy is for the most part and i do ask about his status and stuff when it comes around. i am typically not all that bothered by this type of thing but because of their history, what happened when we started getting together and her more recent texts to him, i kind of am. i do listen to her genuinely and don't react in a negative manner when he's brought up and i do want him to get back with his ex although i don't think it'll happen. he and i are cool enough, i'm just uncomfortable still.
when i was talking to her about it, i was calm and focused more on how i as a guy felt and the reasons why. she was listening and all that to me and responding but then she got really frustrated and mad and turned it on me like i was trying to prevent her from going out and that i should be fine with him now. at the time, i just couldn't believe that she wouldn't even budge or try to reassure me. i still feel that way but a while after, i texted her that i was sorry and it was because i was admitting something that made me uncomfortable and insecure and that i don't want to prevent her from going out. she hasn't responded or anything which is typical, it seems like she does this stay away thing when it benefits her.
i guess i just don't like the fact that i've cut down my talk and hanging out with my girl friends significantly while she hasn't really done the same with her guy friends exes. it's not that i want to control her to do so but i just thought that because she knows how it is to be insecure over others and seeing how i try to help her out respectfully, she could understand and do the same for like only a couple guys. instead she got pissed off and that's why i'm so frustrated.
thanks for the replies people
Hahaha just seen it on someones IB. Btw the girls of LW are HAWT!
Lol funny for a gay man to notice this, with such enthusiasm.
ok so listen up:
first we'll address the root of the problem which is that she is picking her guy friend over you her bf
so lets think of why she is doing this-
1. maybe she has an urging need to help people, and puts that above herself
2. she gets some type of emotional support from this guy that she doesnt get from you
3. she really is into this guy, i highly doubt this but it is still a possibility
so luckily she hasnt gone out yet, first thing you need to do is go to her and apologize for acting out in the argument you guys had, it doesnt even matter if you did anything wrong or not just apologize and tell her how stupid you were for making a big deal about it.
next tell her that you understand that her friend (this other guy) is going through a rough time and that you think its fine for her to go and help him out.
now you may be thinking "what thats exactly what i shouldnt do" but let me explain my reasoning
lets say she goes out with him tomorrow and you guys are on bad terms, do you think she is going to feel guilty about cheating on a guy who she thinks doesnt understand her and doesnt respect her, because when people are mad at others they have these stray thoughts
but if you do what i told you she is going to go out, with you in mind, she may even feel guilty about going out at all, and thats were you get her, thats why you have to let her go out, by doing what i saids you showed that you trust and understand her and she will appreciate you much more
remember to not put any blame on her, you have to take all of it when you apologize
also if she gets suspicious and asks something like "why are you acting all different all of the sudden", just says something like "i realized that our relationship is more important than my ego"
its pretty obvious that this guy is using his emotional problems to get closer to your girl, but dont lose your cool, the thing i told you to do should solve the first two problems temporarily, the third is unsolvable since if she really likes him then theres nothing you can do about it, but again i think its highly unlikely.
continued...
Epic.
if she actually said she was putting him first, then you know about her past and its time to dump her. it is very disrespectful of her to go no matter what you think. oh man fuck im a hypocrite. thank you for creating this topic, it put me in my place.
it is very disrespectful of her to go no matter what you think.
oh man fuck im a hypocrite. thank you for creating this topic, it put me in my place.
lol no prob.
it was more like she said she didn't care what i thought and i was being ridiculous, then i asked so who are you putting first then? and she said definitely not me. and so i asked you're putting him first? and she said yup. i do think it's disrespectful and i do trust her but there just are a couple guys who make me insecure. shes super insecure and ive had to cut out a lot of girls to respect her more but she cant even do this one which would be only the second. i dont know if i was too harsh or too controlling though.?
i guess what also adds to it is that i feel i've sacrificed more to respect her than she has for me in terms of cutting out guys or girls
oh and it's no so much i think theyre going to do stuff when they hang out, i just dont want no emotions to get evoked or recreated or something
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