Quoting Post Archived Topic: It will not be bumped to the top of the forum. Topic For mature audiences only. Membername   Not a member? Sign Up Free (takes 20 seconds) Password   Forgotten your password? Post Font: Verdana Arial Black Georgia Comic Sans Impact   Size: Tiny Normal Big Huge   Color: Default Dark Red Red Orange Brown Green Olive Cyan Blue Dark Blue Indigo Black [ Check Spelling ] [ Post Preview ] [ LiveTags ] Quote: from [m]theyareAs[/m] at 8:27 pm on Jan. 10, 2009[quote]give him an ultimatum.[/quote] FAQ Keyword Search: Post Options Favorites Manager Notify me of new replies to this topic by email Notify me of new replies to this topic by private message Original Post Anonymous Posted at 7:36 pm on Jan. 10, 2009 I don't want a bunch of inexperienced and immature youngins pitching in their two cents on this... if at all possible. Thank you. Edit: I'll narrow this down. Basically, my boyfriend takes his time doing things. He will not get a job, and lives off of military financial aid he gets for going to college. I rush him to either take more college credits or get a job, but he just hates working. If you can talk him into getting a job, he will get an application from like Game Stop and leave it in his car. He has about $400 in personal spendings monthly and everything else goes on bills. Thing is, I want to know we can take our relationship to the next level sometimes within the next few months. But I don't think it will be possible. He is very financially unstable. It bothers me sometimes and only puts burden on me occasionally unless I really think about it. He thinks we are serious enough that when I move five hours away to go to the university after I graduate the local community college next year that he will move with me. But I think even then he will be financially unable to. I am not saying I want to break up with him. I am happy with him, and every other aspect of our relationship is going great. I am just wondering if this is weird, and if you guys have comments on this? He will be 24 next month and still lives in his mom's unfinished basement bedroom. .We have been together for two years come this summer.

Replies Anonymous Posted at 3:32 pm on Jan. 11, 2009 The reason he does not have a job is because he gets money from the government for schooling. That is what he lives off of, but now he says he feels the want for a job now but not just any job. He is definitely making progress in our relationship and outside. When he gets a job, he does great. He was once very financially stable but he got himself in debt with his credit card. I know he will keep making progress, I just don't know how long it will take him. theyareAs Posted at 8:27 pm on Jan. 10, 2009 give him an ultimatum. Khadgar Posted at 7:48 pm on Jan. 10, 2009 I don't see anything innately wrong with it. I've moved in with people after 2 months, and not moved in after 2 years in other cases (well, other case, to be precise -- I'm have not been in multiple 2-year relationships). On the one hand, you have to consider that he's lazy as shit for not getting a job (but then again, who really WANTS a job?). He just has to suck it up and get one. If he can't do that, there are going to be bigger problems down the road. Additionally, if you feel that the relationship is a bit stagnant, things likely won't get better all on their own. On the other hand, as long as he is actively working towards some sort of short or long-term goal and continuing to make lasting progress, things should eventually work themselves out and he'll be set. The "you moving away" thing could be more of an issue, simply because it's a set deadline of when he has to be financially ready, and if he's not, then the relationship will only become more strained due to distance, and so on. It's essentially an ultimatum -- either get it in gear, or things go to shit. However, as I can attest to, nobody likes an ultimatum. If you haven't already, tell him that if he doesn't have a stable job by the time you move to university, then he won't be able to move in with you and that's final. Also make sure to reiterate that you don't intend for this to happen, and that all you want is for you and him to happily live together and that this is simply not possible if he doesn't have a stable job. (edited for typo) Al Legator Posted at 7:43 pm on Jan. 10, 2009 He is financially unstable and that is not going to change- quite possibly ever. You are a FT student and that is not all that financially solvent. You want to move in together so that you can be together but it will most likely end in disaster- never having enough money to meet obligations let alone do what you'd LIKE to do, and self replicating resentment about the situation. Why do you think that pushing him to get a job will be successful in him getting a job- and keeping it? He'd be doing it only to get you off his back. Yea, love is important but it's not enough, especially when you start sharing a home, expenses, contracts and obligations. Is he really likely  to change or will you always be asking when he's going to contribute as much as you are, both financially and in terms of commitment? Anonymous Posted at 7:41 pm on Jan. 10, 2009 Quote: from TheLastMagister at 8:40 pm on Jan. 10, 2009 Tell him job or he gets no jobs from u. That'll work. No, it won't work that way =[ He is an abnormal male who can go without sexual things forever. Such as... we have not had sex in like over a month and he is not suffering from it (yet). The Last Magister Posted at 7:40 pm on Jan. 10, 2009 Tell him job or he gets no jobs from u. That'll work. Anonymous Posted at 7:40 pm on Jan. 10, 2009 Quote: from jschwa1986 at 8:39 pm on Jan. 10, 2009 Did you mean to post that once as anonymous and once not? No, that wasn't me the second post. I will remain anonymous throughout this. brian60s Posted at 7:40 pm on Jan. 10, 2009 Post from this position was omitted due to content violations Editor in Chief Posted at 7:39 pm on Jan. 10, 2009 My bad.... brian60s Posted at 7:37 pm on Jan. 10, 2009 Post from this position was omitted due to content violations All 10 previous replies displayed.